3 days ago, I celebrated my 29th birthday. I was doing okay, I subbed taught during the day, my girlfriends surprised me with coffee and breakfast, and the day seemed to be a happy one.
Then, I thought about it.
No family, Dad was gone, and Mom lives far away. No siblings to share the happiness...(they too, were far away) and I was sad.
Any other year, I would have been fine. Just another birthday, but would have made it a point to visit my family (Mom, Dad, Katy, Sam) sometime that weekend.
My sadness lasted a long time, and my friends and family were calling to check on me. I was fine, just sad. Even my own children were trying to cheer me up.
I got over it that evening, when I had a time to reflect...talked with Sam (my brother), my twin sister, and my Mom, and Grandpa Sheahen, and felt better. Growing old doesn't really bother me, missing my family, does.
Although, 29 is hardly, old. Next year, when I turn 30, I might have a different mentality! LOL!
My girlfriends took me out on Friday night, and I indulged in a guiltfree night of laughs, dancing, drinks, and quality mommy time with friends. Saturday, Alex had a football game after which we traveled to visit my Mom, my sister, and her family. I wanted to make it to the casino, but didn't have the time to.
The family time was nice. I do have more to ad, but I have to cut this post short, for a phone call. Will write again when I get a chance.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
Sept. 11th-a time to reflect and think about the past.
Sept. 11th.
I remember that day. I was just about to head to class at UWSP. I was waiting for my boyfriend (now husband) to pick me up for class. I sat in my apt. with the CNN news on was having my breakfast. Then, it happened, the first plane hit. I watched for a minute, and had to head to class because Steve came in. We drove to campus and I walked to my religious studies class from the parking lot we always parked in. By the time I sat down, my professor delivered the news and turned on the tv. Another plane crash. We all watched in sadness and horror, and classes were dismissed for the rest of the day. I walked to the student union for something to eat and noticed the silence and sadness. My appetite was no longer there, I sat down at an empty table and started to pray.
This day, I will never forget. Reflecting on that inspired me to blog today...
I am taking a break from housecleaning and laundry folding for an update. Big doings in our household. Little Alex started kindergarten and football practice! Crazy stuff. As with any big event, I wish I had both my parents there to enjoy it. Too bad Mom lives so far away, and Dad, too bad you had to leave us so soon.
I loaded up the van and off we went to school. Alex was full of smiles and excitement, and I felt fine too. I had some butterflies, but overall, I felt fine. What was the big fuss about, it was just kindergarten right? Well, all was well, until I gave my hug and kiss and walked out of his classroom. The tears just started flowing. I quickly hid behind my sunglasses and raced out of the building. Where did that come from? I didn't see that coming. It was just the whole ordeal of my little man growing up. We have full day kindergarten here, and as much as I was excited for him to go, and anticipating that day all summer, when it came down to it, maybe I was not as ready as I thought.
Two weeks have passed now and I find myself thinking about Alex still a lot, but I am enjoying my time with Collin too. It's kind of like the time I had with Alex before I had Collin. We are adjusting to our new schedule.
Alex started football practice. We are already on our second mouth guard. The dog got a hold of the first one. Dad, I know you would have gotten a good laugh from that. We sure did. Good thing, we already bought two, anticipating a lost one. He does pretty well. He is such a little guy, and it's flag football, so I don't have to worry that much right?
Dad, I wish you were here to see this. Watch practices, play catch, and go to games. Like any sport he plays, Alex gives his all, and is very competitive. Even though this is flag football, some kids "forget" that. Last night at practice, Alex was hit on a block, and his body went flying through the air and he laid still on the practice field. My heart started to race. I couldn't even speak, I really thought he was seriously hurt. I yelled his name from the sideline, and he jumped up and yelled "what!" Everyone laughed, and Alex continued on. YIKES! I need to get used to this sports watching thing. When it comes to your own kids, it's way different.
A recent trip to Marshfield for my cousin's wedding was a mini vacation for us. The Holiday Inn with a waterslide, and the Central Wisconsin State Fair provided us with some great entertainment.
Puppy news-Our Frank was neutered on Tuesday. Another adventure. The crazy thing threw up on the way to the vet. He must have known what was going to happen to him. And, if that wasn't enough...At the vet, he pooped on the floor when I was checking him in! Seriously! DOGS, I tell ya! $103 later, and after a long day for Frank at the vet, I was able to take him home.
I've also been busy planning my class reunion which is scheduled for Alpine Holiday Weekend, Nov. 7,8, & 9th. Looking forward to seeing classmates, I haven't seen in 10 years!
Well off to finish laundry and household duties before I need to pick Alex up from school.
Dad, just to remind you, my birthday is this coming week. That's what I used to do is call my Dad a week before and remind him, jokingly.
I remember that day. I was just about to head to class at UWSP. I was waiting for my boyfriend (now husband) to pick me up for class. I sat in my apt. with the CNN news on was having my breakfast. Then, it happened, the first plane hit. I watched for a minute, and had to head to class because Steve came in. We drove to campus and I walked to my religious studies class from the parking lot we always parked in. By the time I sat down, my professor delivered the news and turned on the tv. Another plane crash. We all watched in sadness and horror, and classes were dismissed for the rest of the day. I walked to the student union for something to eat and noticed the silence and sadness. My appetite was no longer there, I sat down at an empty table and started to pray.
This day, I will never forget. Reflecting on that inspired me to blog today...
I am taking a break from housecleaning and laundry folding for an update. Big doings in our household. Little Alex started kindergarten and football practice! Crazy stuff. As with any big event, I wish I had both my parents there to enjoy it. Too bad Mom lives so far away, and Dad, too bad you had to leave us so soon.
I loaded up the van and off we went to school. Alex was full of smiles and excitement, and I felt fine too. I had some butterflies, but overall, I felt fine. What was the big fuss about, it was just kindergarten right? Well, all was well, until I gave my hug and kiss and walked out of his classroom. The tears just started flowing. I quickly hid behind my sunglasses and raced out of the building. Where did that come from? I didn't see that coming. It was just the whole ordeal of my little man growing up. We have full day kindergarten here, and as much as I was excited for him to go, and anticipating that day all summer, when it came down to it, maybe I was not as ready as I thought.
Two weeks have passed now and I find myself thinking about Alex still a lot, but I am enjoying my time with Collin too. It's kind of like the time I had with Alex before I had Collin. We are adjusting to our new schedule.
Alex started football practice. We are already on our second mouth guard. The dog got a hold of the first one. Dad, I know you would have gotten a good laugh from that. We sure did. Good thing, we already bought two, anticipating a lost one. He does pretty well. He is such a little guy, and it's flag football, so I don't have to worry that much right?
Dad, I wish you were here to see this. Watch practices, play catch, and go to games. Like any sport he plays, Alex gives his all, and is very competitive. Even though this is flag football, some kids "forget" that. Last night at practice, Alex was hit on a block, and his body went flying through the air and he laid still on the practice field. My heart started to race. I couldn't even speak, I really thought he was seriously hurt. I yelled his name from the sideline, and he jumped up and yelled "what!" Everyone laughed, and Alex continued on. YIKES! I need to get used to this sports watching thing. When it comes to your own kids, it's way different.
A recent trip to Marshfield for my cousin's wedding was a mini vacation for us. The Holiday Inn with a waterslide, and the Central Wisconsin State Fair provided us with some great entertainment.
Puppy news-Our Frank was neutered on Tuesday. Another adventure. The crazy thing threw up on the way to the vet. He must have known what was going to happen to him. And, if that wasn't enough...At the vet, he pooped on the floor when I was checking him in! Seriously! DOGS, I tell ya! $103 later, and after a long day for Frank at the vet, I was able to take him home.
I've also been busy planning my class reunion which is scheduled for Alpine Holiday Weekend, Nov. 7,8, & 9th. Looking forward to seeing classmates, I haven't seen in 10 years!
Well off to finish laundry and household duties before I need to pick Alex up from school.
Dad, just to remind you, my birthday is this coming week. That's what I used to do is call my Dad a week before and remind him, jokingly.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
1 year ago today
One year ago today, you passed away. I can remember that moment like it happened yesterday. I heard your breaths getting weaker, and there was more time in between your breaths. I nervously watched the heart monitor as your vitals dropped. The nurse must have sensed my anxiety, and shut the machine off. Carol began saying prayers and stoking your forehead. Steve held me close, and tears streamed down my cheeks. I was waiting for the moment that you would take your last breath, and then, at 6:00 you let out one last breath. I touched your hand, and lips, of course, you were still warm, and I checked for a pulse, as I looked at your somewhat peaceful looking body. Your skin sunk in, and you lifeless body, seemed to be quickly aging. I cried, and cried, hugging Steve and Carol.
What a day off sadness, and somewhat relief. No more suffering, no more pain, now, you are in peace.
Today, just one year ago-which by the way seems to have gone by real fast....We went to Marshfield for a Mass Grandpa Sheahen had set up in your name at OLP. The whole fam was there, and Dar and Tom came from AZ-they were visiting fam in the area, and Uncle Harold came too. Of course, Kate and her fam, Sam, Mom, and my fam and I was there too. Saw a few other regular church goers that knew you too.
After the mass, we headed up to the cemetery. My kids found entertainment jumping over gravestones, and running around. It was happy and sad. There was tears and laughter at different points of our visit there.
I tried to be composed because my kids were there, but that didn't last when I saw Sam and Mom embracing and crying.
Afterward, we enjoyed our a traditional meal at Crabby Daves-which I know you would appreciate!
I had a turkey Sammy in your honor, but you probably wouldn't have loved because it was on a croissant, and it had honey mustard on it!
It was nice seeing everyone, sharing memories, and thoughts of you was defiantly the highlight!
I was happy to see Dar and Tom too-and Aunt Dar, thanks for still reading this blog! :)
I will come and visit someday. I look forward to seeing you guys, Mary, the kids, your grandkids, and everyone!
Thanks for the visit!
What a day off sadness, and somewhat relief. No more suffering, no more pain, now, you are in peace.
Today, just one year ago-which by the way seems to have gone by real fast....We went to Marshfield for a Mass Grandpa Sheahen had set up in your name at OLP. The whole fam was there, and Dar and Tom came from AZ-they were visiting fam in the area, and Uncle Harold came too. Of course, Kate and her fam, Sam, Mom, and my fam and I was there too. Saw a few other regular church goers that knew you too.
After the mass, we headed up to the cemetery. My kids found entertainment jumping over gravestones, and running around. It was happy and sad. There was tears and laughter at different points of our visit there.
I tried to be composed because my kids were there, but that didn't last when I saw Sam and Mom embracing and crying.
Afterward, we enjoyed our a traditional meal at Crabby Daves-which I know you would appreciate!
I had a turkey Sammy in your honor, but you probably wouldn't have loved because it was on a croissant, and it had honey mustard on it!
It was nice seeing everyone, sharing memories, and thoughts of you was defiantly the highlight!
I was happy to see Dar and Tom too-and Aunt Dar, thanks for still reading this blog! :)
I will come and visit someday. I look forward to seeing you guys, Mary, the kids, your grandkids, and everyone!
Thanks for the visit!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Today it all started just one year ago...
Well here we are one year to the day that my Dad went to the hospital to find out what was wrong. I am full of sadness, as I reflect back upon those 9 days. What a roller coaster ride. Some ups, but a lot of downs. I went back and read the blog that I so religiously kept. The late night updates, full of emotion and love. I held on to everything that I could, for as long as I could. My faith, strength, and overall being was tested.
I miss Dad today and everyday, some days more than others. I try not to let my emotions get the best of me.
This blog has been my therapy and a great place to vent and reflect.
First and foremost, I want to thank my family. What a lot for a family to go through. I know we aren't the only ones, but at the time, it really felt like we were. The support and love I have received is not forgotten, and is appreciated.
I want to thank everyone for their continued thoughts and prayers.
This year has been full of greatness and love and I am thankful for that.
I have learned a lot though this entire process, but probably the most important lesson is to love and appreciate your loved ones because life is too short.
I miss Dad today and everyday, some days more than others. I try not to let my emotions get the best of me.
This blog has been my therapy and a great place to vent and reflect.
First and foremost, I want to thank my family. What a lot for a family to go through. I know we aren't the only ones, but at the time, it really felt like we were. The support and love I have received is not forgotten, and is appreciated.
I want to thank everyone for their continued thoughts and prayers.
This year has been full of greatness and love and I am thankful for that.
I have learned a lot though this entire process, but probably the most important lesson is to love and appreciate your loved ones because life is too short.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Thoughts and Reminders
Today is just another day in most people's lives. Well for me it is too. It starts out like most days when I wake up, do the morning routine, and things are comfortably the same. Then, it happens...something remind me of my Dad. This happens a lot and it either send me into a smile thinking of him, or tears missing him...
Last night, it was the fact that my new puppy had an accident and I was shaking my head while cleaning up dog poop. Potty training a dog hasn't been fun. I would rather potty train 10 toddlers to 1 dog-no joke!
Well, I couldn't help but to think of what Dad would say-and the laugh he would have had over the whole ordeal.
Yesterday, it was heading towards Waupaca to have some end of summer fun at a friend's lake house.
I could go on and on about these moments. It's hard to believe it's almost been a year since my Dad has passed away.
Sometimes it seems slow, and other times, the time has passed fast.
I am thankful for those that are still here. I love my family very much and have been trying to make more of an effort to show that they are appreciated.
I will always encourage others to do the same as well.
Last night, it was the fact that my new puppy had an accident and I was shaking my head while cleaning up dog poop. Potty training a dog hasn't been fun. I would rather potty train 10 toddlers to 1 dog-no joke!
Well, I couldn't help but to think of what Dad would say-and the laugh he would have had over the whole ordeal.
Yesterday, it was heading towards Waupaca to have some end of summer fun at a friend's lake house.
I could go on and on about these moments. It's hard to believe it's almost been a year since my Dad has passed away.
Sometimes it seems slow, and other times, the time has passed fast.
I am thankful for those that are still here. I love my family very much and have been trying to make more of an effort to show that they are appreciated.
I will always encourage others to do the same as well.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Alex is 5 today!
Today, Alex turned 5. I remember that day like it was yesterday. It's hard to believe 5 years have passed.
Tonight was a fun family night. Mom and Natasha came for a sleepover.
Tomorrow, a fun birthday party planned. Poolside fun at a hotel. I am excited.
Dad, you are in my thoughts as always. Another fun time with the fam, but still missing you. I know how much you enjoy those family gatherings...lol!
Seriously, I know you did love seeing the kids though.
Miss ya terribly and love you too! Goodnight!
Tonight was a fun family night. Mom and Natasha came for a sleepover.
Tomorrow, a fun birthday party planned. Poolside fun at a hotel. I am excited.
Dad, you are in my thoughts as always. Another fun time with the fam, but still missing you. I know how much you enjoy those family gatherings...lol!
Seriously, I know you did love seeing the kids though.
Miss ya terribly and love you too! Goodnight!
Friday, July 3, 2009
Long time, no post-busy summer
Long time no posts...I know.
Busy times around here-summer is in full swing. Between running Alex to summer school, swimming lessons, soccer, or softball; my summer is flying by!
Father's Day came and went-I felt sad that day as expected. Probably more so because it was my 1st Father's Day without my Dad.
My family celebrated Father's Day a week later taking a trip to the Madison Zoo and Vitense mini golf course. We had a great day trip. It was nice getting away. For the kids, I think the mini golf was the highlight of the trip. I have mentioned this before, but that place is amazing. I always think more of my Dad when we do things that I know he would appreciate. Having a mini golf course, was always a passion of his...of course with that, the batting cages, driving range, etc.
Someday, when I am rich and famous, I would love to build one, in honor of him! Speaking of rich and famous...
I need to get Dad a headstone. I need to and will when we can afford one. Actually, I need to check into it more. It's just one of those things that I have been putting off. For what a funeral costs, those damn things should be included in the price. Thankfully, we recieved lots of help with the funeral costs! I haven't forgotten that generosity!
Onward...
Well, tonight we just got back from the fireworks....fun times as well. The kids had a blast-sparklers and all.
Tomorrow, it's off to a friend's lakehouse for a day on the lake...should be fun too.
Sunday, a visit with my Mom, sister, and brother, which I am looking forward too! A LOT!
Ah, love my family!
Speaking of this. Sam came to one of Alex's softball games last weekend. He was close for country USA, and decided to come to a game. We met him at the hotel he was staying at. He walked out in the parking lot, and looked so much like Dad. No one said a word. We just smiled and continued on to the game.
Dad, you would have loved to have been there, like always.
Miss you tons, and still love you, like when you were here!
Busy times around here-summer is in full swing. Between running Alex to summer school, swimming lessons, soccer, or softball; my summer is flying by!
Father's Day came and went-I felt sad that day as expected. Probably more so because it was my 1st Father's Day without my Dad.
My family celebrated Father's Day a week later taking a trip to the Madison Zoo and Vitense mini golf course. We had a great day trip. It was nice getting away. For the kids, I think the mini golf was the highlight of the trip. I have mentioned this before, but that place is amazing. I always think more of my Dad when we do things that I know he would appreciate. Having a mini golf course, was always a passion of his...of course with that, the batting cages, driving range, etc.
Someday, when I am rich and famous, I would love to build one, in honor of him! Speaking of rich and famous...
I need to get Dad a headstone. I need to and will when we can afford one. Actually, I need to check into it more. It's just one of those things that I have been putting off. For what a funeral costs, those damn things should be included in the price. Thankfully, we recieved lots of help with the funeral costs! I haven't forgotten that generosity!
Onward...
Well, tonight we just got back from the fireworks....fun times as well. The kids had a blast-sparklers and all.
Tomorrow, it's off to a friend's lakehouse for a day on the lake...should be fun too.
Sunday, a visit with my Mom, sister, and brother, which I am looking forward too! A LOT!
Ah, love my family!
Speaking of this. Sam came to one of Alex's softball games last weekend. He was close for country USA, and decided to come to a game. We met him at the hotel he was staying at. He walked out in the parking lot, and looked so much like Dad. No one said a word. We just smiled and continued on to the game.
Dad, you would have loved to have been there, like always.
Miss you tons, and still love you, like when you were here!
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