I am Thankful for my blogging outlet. Blogging allows me to speak my mind and get my feelings out.
The pain of losing a loved one is unimaginable until you are that person.
Eveyone experiences loss, in some way shape or form, every day. It's sad to imagine that others have to suffer a similar pain.
I spend a little time each day, reflecting on the fact that I am thankful for my family and the health of my husband, children, and myself.
People all around me are affected by illness, financial hardship, loss, marriage troubles, and more. I know there is growth through suffering, and I try to tell myself that, but sometimes it is easier said than done.
Losing my Dad changed me. Sometimes I would say it, it made me stronger. I went though the most horrible pain. I was physically and mentally, exhausted. I didn't know how to move on. I cried for days on end, didn't eat, and wanted to curl up in my bed forever. I struggled to be a wife, and a Mom. My husband and my own children couldn't console me. I was a mess. I think about that painful time and still get tears in my eyes. I saw my father take his last breath. I heard it. I watched as his 54 year old body, quickly turn into an 80 year old man, as his life lifted out of him.
I grabbed his hand, and put my head by his mouth, almost just to check and see, and that was it. Just like that, he was gone, it was over. All the pain and suffering he was going though, was gone.
I spent the next few months, blogging away. Talking about my feeling to my readers. I liked that they were my ears. Just wanted someone to hear my feelings and not have to give the same generic response. I also needed a connection and outlet allowing me to share my feelings. I needed to get this out.
This is why I still blog today. I still have feelings of sadness. Fear of losing my Mom, husband, or my children. After going though what I went through with my Dad, I needed time to rebuild myself.
I needed time to grieve and understand what happened. I lost my Dad so suddenly, and I felt like although I was there to say goodbye, I still needed more time with him.
In some ways, I feel like that today, when there are times that I wish he was here to share the joys of my life: family celebrations, birthdays, special occasions, and more!
I am stronger because I have had to rebuild myself. I am the same person, I just got a little out of sorts when I lost my Dad.
I like to create new memories for my children based on what my Dad would have done with them. I continually share stories and memories to them.
