Questions

Everyday I miss my Dad, but some days are worse than others.

Today, I miss him a lot!

It was Trick or Treating day here-and I would love to have had him here to come trick or treating with us. That's something he never got to do.

I remember as a kid, he took us...walked along on the sidewalk-just hanging out...laughing at all the crazy costumes.

My kids were cute today. Collin was Thomas the Train, and Alex, was Spiderman. It was unbearably cold and miserable, but the kids still managed to have a great time.

Dad would would have laughed because we were having all this fun in the cold, rain.

I think about him everyday...wondering what he's up to. I still wonder if he is okay. My faith has really been tested throughout this whole ordeal. I am ashamed to admit, that I am slowly drifting away...asking questions...wanting signs. I just need to know Dad's okay.

I know this is something that Dad would not appreciate hearing. He raised us to be good Catholics. I have good morals, values, etc...but I just can't explain why I am questioning different parts of my faith.

I need some sort of concrete evidence knowing that Dad's okay. I wish he could just write me a note, or leave me a message somehow.

I know I really don't need this, but this is how I am feeling. My heart still aches for my Dad and my mind still has a lot of questions.

This is probably all part of the grieving process...or at least I hope this is.
I am not asking to feel this way-especially about my faith.

One other thing-I am angry that people take their parents for granted. It angers me that my Dad is not hear anymore, and when I hear people complain about their Mom or Dad...I just tell them-you don't know how lucky you are to have that person still here.

Life does seem a little unfair, even though-I know...that's how the ball rolls...when it's your time...it's your time.

Time might help me understand and heal-I know, but his whole deal is too fresh, and too real.

In any case, that's where I am at now. A reassuring note from the other day-my 4 year old said, "Mom, did you see Grandpa Sheahen?? He was hanging upside down in the clouds??" I almost fell over-because who knows...maybe he really saw him.

I responded calmly, "You are right, Alex, Grandpa is in Heaven now." And-I continued on with my day-wiping a tear from my eye.

Wishing you were here!

Ok so the CUBS are out of the Playoffs, the economy sucks, and it's almost time to vote again. All things I would love to hear my Dad talk about right now. I have also started painting my basement-Dad, I would love to have you come over and watch :)

UGH! Still sad, and angry, that you are gone. I know it has not been that long...

I am having plenty of reminders though...

The other day, I saw his car at my Mom's, and I could still picture him leaning against it having a moe.

I see your clothing and belongings everyday-I am still not quite ready to get rid of things. Sometimes my kids wear your hats or sunglasses around the house. Alex loves digging though Grandpa's treasures.

I ran in to Carol (his girlfriend) at Kohls the other day-during on of the Cubs playoff games-and she had a Cubs shirt on. We hugged and talked for a bit. Then, I went to the van and cried.

I have been doing better, and have not been so emotional, but some things just have that effect. Sometimes, just a simple hymn in church brings me to tears.

One more thing... Katy got pulled over for speeding when we left Mom's today-and yes, she didn't get a ticket. I know, my Dad would just laugh.