It's been FOREVER since I have posted here.
I can't justify my lack of posts. I can just give excuses. Basically, I have been slacking.
It's not that my Dad isn't on my mind, because he is. Truth is I think about him everyday. Sometimes more days than others, but there isn't a day that goes by that he isn't somewhere in my head.
Truth is....
I miss my Dad terribly. I needed him to be here for many reasons, selfishly, but I know he was needed somewhere else.
I take comfort in knowing that he is "OK" now. It has taken me almost (4) years to figure this out.
That being said, please forgive me for the rant, because on days like today I feel the urge to scream!
DAD! I MISS YOU! I LOVE YOU!
I cannot believe tomorrow marks (4) years that you took your last breath!
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
I am thankful
I am Thankful for my blogging outlet. Blogging allows me to speak my mind and get my feelings out.
The pain of losing a loved one is unimaginable until you are that person.
Eveyone experiences loss, in some way shape or form, every day. It's sad to imagine that others have to suffer a similar pain.
I spend a little time each day, reflecting on the fact that I am thankful for my family and the health of my husband, children, and myself.
People all around me are affected by illness, financial hardship, loss, marriage troubles, and more. I know there is growth through suffering, and I try to tell myself that, but sometimes it is easier said than done.
Losing my Dad changed me. Sometimes I would say it, it made me stronger. I went though the most horrible pain. I was physically and mentally, exhausted. I didn't know how to move on. I cried for days on end, didn't eat, and wanted to curl up in my bed forever. I struggled to be a wife, and a Mom. My husband and my own children couldn't console me. I was a mess. I think about that painful time and still get tears in my eyes. I saw my father take his last breath. I heard it. I watched as his 54 year old body, quickly turn into an 80 year old man, as his life lifted out of him.
I grabbed his hand, and put my head by his mouth, almost just to check and see, and that was it. Just like that, he was gone, it was over. All the pain and suffering he was going though, was gone.
I spent the next few months, blogging away. Talking about my feeling to my readers. I liked that they were my ears. Just wanted someone to hear my feelings and not have to give the same generic response. I also needed a connection and outlet allowing me to share my feelings. I needed to get this out.
This is why I still blog today. I still have feelings of sadness. Fear of losing my Mom, husband, or my children. After going though what I went through with my Dad, I needed time to rebuild myself.
I needed time to grieve and understand what happened. I lost my Dad so suddenly, and I felt like although I was there to say goodbye, I still needed more time with him.
In some ways, I feel like that today, when there are times that I wish he was here to share the joys of my life: family celebrations, birthdays, special occasions, and more!
I am stronger because I have had to rebuild myself. I am the same person, I just got a little out of sorts when I lost my Dad.
I like to create new memories for my children based on what my Dad would have done with them. I continually share stories and memories to them.
The pain of losing a loved one is unimaginable until you are that person.
Eveyone experiences loss, in some way shape or form, every day. It's sad to imagine that others have to suffer a similar pain.
I spend a little time each day, reflecting on the fact that I am thankful for my family and the health of my husband, children, and myself.
People all around me are affected by illness, financial hardship, loss, marriage troubles, and more. I know there is growth through suffering, and I try to tell myself that, but sometimes it is easier said than done.
Losing my Dad changed me. Sometimes I would say it, it made me stronger. I went though the most horrible pain. I was physically and mentally, exhausted. I didn't know how to move on. I cried for days on end, didn't eat, and wanted to curl up in my bed forever. I struggled to be a wife, and a Mom. My husband and my own children couldn't console me. I was a mess. I think about that painful time and still get tears in my eyes. I saw my father take his last breath. I heard it. I watched as his 54 year old body, quickly turn into an 80 year old man, as his life lifted out of him.
I grabbed his hand, and put my head by his mouth, almost just to check and see, and that was it. Just like that, he was gone, it was over. All the pain and suffering he was going though, was gone.
I spent the next few months, blogging away. Talking about my feeling to my readers. I liked that they were my ears. Just wanted someone to hear my feelings and not have to give the same generic response. I also needed a connection and outlet allowing me to share my feelings. I needed to get this out.
This is why I still blog today. I still have feelings of sadness. Fear of losing my Mom, husband, or my children. After going though what I went through with my Dad, I needed time to rebuild myself.
I needed time to grieve and understand what happened. I lost my Dad so suddenly, and I felt like although I was there to say goodbye, I still needed more time with him.
In some ways, I feel like that today, when there are times that I wish he was here to share the joys of my life: family celebrations, birthdays, special occasions, and more!
I am stronger because I have had to rebuild myself. I am the same person, I just got a little out of sorts when I lost my Dad.
I like to create new memories for my children based on what my Dad would have done with them. I continually share stories and memories to them.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
3 years ago tonight, I said, goodbye to my Dad
Miss you, Dad!
3 Years have gone by since I said goodbye.
I am thinking of you tonight!
Love you and miss you!
Moo!
3 Years have gone by since I said goodbye.
I am thinking of you tonight!
Love you and miss you!
Moo!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Just another moment you were in my thoughts
Dear Dad
Miss you today, thought of you today, yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that....and the day before that....and the day before that...
Get the picture.
While making the trip back to Marshfield, that long drive always gets me thinking about the past. The way things were when you were here.
I did a few things in your honor that day...
1. Drank a Mello Yellow
2. Ate at Chips of course, I could only eat a Jr. Champ, but I did think of you while I ate it.
3. Cried while I drove by the cemetery. Sorry, couldn't stop. I was afraid I would get stuck like you did that one time while you were visiting Grandma Sheahen. Seriously, I couldn't stop because the kids were in the car and I was trying to quietly cry. Good thing I had my sunglasses on! :)
4. Had a nice visit with Mom and Kate and their families.
5. Called Sam
Well, I hope you are having a nice time up in Heaven. I am sure you are. I miss you and think of you more than you will ever know.
Life goes on, I know, but it will never be the same.
I am thankful for the family that is still here with me today. Thanks to God and you for blessing me each day with the joys of my children, my husband, and my life.
Thinking of you, this very moment.
I love you, Dad!
Peace and Love,
Moo! ;)
Miss you today, thought of you today, yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that....and the day before that....and the day before that...
Get the picture.
While making the trip back to Marshfield, that long drive always gets me thinking about the past. The way things were when you were here.
I did a few things in your honor that day...
1. Drank a Mello Yellow
2. Ate at Chips of course, I could only eat a Jr. Champ, but I did think of you while I ate it.
3. Cried while I drove by the cemetery. Sorry, couldn't stop. I was afraid I would get stuck like you did that one time while you were visiting Grandma Sheahen. Seriously, I couldn't stop because the kids were in the car and I was trying to quietly cry. Good thing I had my sunglasses on! :)
4. Had a nice visit with Mom and Kate and their families.
5. Called Sam
Well, I hope you are having a nice time up in Heaven. I am sure you are. I miss you and think of you more than you will ever know.
Life goes on, I know, but it will never be the same.
I am thankful for the family that is still here with me today. Thanks to God and you for blessing me each day with the joys of my children, my husband, and my life.
Thinking of you, this very moment.
I love you, Dad!
Peace and Love,
Moo! ;)
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Merry Christmas I would have wrapped you your gift of underwear, socks, and peanuts!
Merry Christmas, Dad!
Another holiday has come and gone without you. Thinking of you today. Wondering what you might be doing?
If you were here, I would give you some socks, underwear, and peanuts! I miss that. I miss our crazy gift exchange where we wondered what crazy gifts we would all get. I miss having a meal and laughing with you. I miss being able to talk to you.
I miss the rest of the fam too. Would be nice if we could all be together again.
Miss the old times!
These times now, are good, but definitely not the same. I am thankful for new traditions, but will always remember the old.
Merry Christmas, Dad.
I love you and miss you!
Another holiday has come and gone without you. Thinking of you today. Wondering what you might be doing?
If you were here, I would give you some socks, underwear, and peanuts! I miss that. I miss our crazy gift exchange where we wondered what crazy gifts we would all get. I miss having a meal and laughing with you. I miss being able to talk to you.
I miss the rest of the fam too. Would be nice if we could all be together again.
Miss the old times!
These times now, are good, but definitely not the same. I am thankful for new traditions, but will always remember the old.
Merry Christmas, Dad.
I love you and miss you!
Friday, December 24, 2010
Winter Memories
It's been almost a month since I have written on here. The craziness of this time of year is to blame.
Many things this season have reminded me of my Dad.
Chex Party Mix-one of my Dad's holiday favs.
Snow-and the snow removal that comes with it.
Ice-Icing the sidewalks and the driveway while trying not to slip
Anything weather related reminds me of my Dad, especially winter weather. The cold never seemed to bother him. He always made sure: snow was shoveled, ice was melting, and the driveway was clear.
I haven't mastered the snow-blower yet. Usually, I shovel the old fashioned way and leave the hard stuff for my husband. As I complain about the snow removal, I am reminded of my Dad his obsession with it. A smile always follows these thoughts.
Many things this season have reminded me of my Dad.
Chex Party Mix-one of my Dad's holiday favs.
Snow-and the snow removal that comes with it.
Ice-Icing the sidewalks and the driveway while trying not to slip
Anything weather related reminds me of my Dad, especially winter weather. The cold never seemed to bother him. He always made sure: snow was shoveled, ice was melting, and the driveway was clear.
I haven't mastered the snow-blower yet. Usually, I shovel the old fashioned way and leave the hard stuff for my husband. As I complain about the snow removal, I am reminded of my Dad his obsession with it. A smile always follows these thoughts.
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