16 years ago today!

16 years ago today I was diagnosed with cancer. I remember that day like it was yesterday...waiting in the clinic waiting room for my parents to come out of a conference room. The doctor told them the news and I remember both my parents being in tears.

I was 12 years old, and this was not what I had planned.

Is cancer ever what anyone has planned????

Long story short-those 9 months were not fun. Missing school, basketball practice, and being in the hospital way too much. I remember my Mom being there with me all the time. She stayed with me and even slept in my hospital bed.

Dad, on the other hand, not so much. He hated the whole ordeal. Hated hospitals, me being sick, and all that went along with it.

I would have one week of chemo-and 3 weeks off. Dad would visit me in the hospital, but it was always short and sweet. I knew he wasn't comfortable. He had to hold the fort at home with Katy and Sam.

I remember lots of laughs, tears, and pain. In the end-losing my hair, 1 ovary, lots of strength, and enduring lots of pain...it was a small price to pay for my life.

Dad and Mom encouraged me to have strength and faith, this is what got me through that time, and today, I am reminded by that.

New slideshow of Dad and Grandpa Sheahen

I added another slide show of some pics. I am doing my best to find more pics.
GEEZ, I wish I would have taken more.
Lesson learned...

Just having an I miss Dad night.

Ken Sternweis, thank you for the email.

Mike Varney.-Thank you for the Christmas card.
These kinds of things mean a lot.

Blog followers???

One more thing...
I did ad a blog follower list.

I wanted to see who still reads this site-of course you are not obligated to be a blog follower, but it's kinda nice though to see that people still read this!

Just click on follow this blog on the side.

Thanks!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!
Oh my, can you believe it's 2009??

What a year it has been. I am looking forward to this year.
Why???
Birthday's to celebrate-Steve and I will be 29, or kids will turn 5 and 2.
My 10 year class reunion is coming in November-which I am planning.
A family vacation is in order-yet to be determined.
Just a whole new year full of adventures.

Of course, more time will pass without Dad. I'll still miss him everyday, and some days more than others.
I often wonder what time will be like without him. Obviously, I am very thankful for the time we had when he was here, but I still wonder what the future will be like.

I still will look for him at my kids birthday parties-eating tons of my mother in law's bbq's-and drinking diet dews.

I will listen for his laughter as he watches my boys play sports.

I will think of him everytime I see my brother-driving around his car.

These things will probably never change. That's ok. I will keep these memories fond and near to my heart.

Even though, I might not update this thing as often as I would like, know that I still feel the same.

I miss my Dad terribly, more than I even anticipated, as crazy as that sounds.

But, this is a new year...a new start.

Time to continue to live life and enjoy life.

Of course, the new years res. are in order.

Take better care of myself
Workout more-and stop wasting that gym membership-I signed that lovely 2 year contact too.
Be a better catholic
Be the best, wife, and mom that I can be.

Best of luck to all you with your new year's resolutions-although, I think they are overrated, and not that necessary because we all do whatever we want anyway.

Hey, the look good on paper though.

Well, off to enjoy the rest of my long weekend!

Just a quick note-
Dad,
I miss you and love you!
Hope all is well. Please continue to be with me and watch over my family. Happy New Year to you!

Marshfield Visit

This weekend I had the opportunity to travel back to Marshfield to visit with friends and family.
I had a wonderful time.
I had lunch with Grandpa Sheahen and Pat. I even gave him a copy of this blog...from start to now.
I had it made into a hardcover book. I know he's never going to be able to go online and read this, so I thought I would bring it to him.
I don't think he made it though the first page before he started to cry...which was totally not my intention.
I felt bad, but he said he was happy I gave him such a beautiful gift. The bath robe and pj's though-he wasn't too sure about. :)
Also...

I went out with some friends from High School and ran into a lot of people. Of course, I had the occasional talks about my Dad.
Sad at times, but still nice to reminisce. Yes, I controlled my emotions and only got teary-eyed once throughout the course of the night.
I do appreciate all the hugs, thoughts, and kind words. Please continue to keep my Dad's memory alive.
At my Mom's we all had a nice cry at different times of the day on Christmas Day. I even had a nice chat with Carol (Dad's girlfriend) on the phone.

Of course, a visit to the cemetery was in order. Although, I was dreading this...I need to do it. Husband and kids in the car, we started up the path. Keep in mind, my baby was sleeping, and our oldest did not know what a cemetery is. We decided not to explain that yet. He's had to endure enough with this whole odeal. So, he thought we were looking at Christmas lights and Christmas flowers! (In the middle of the afternoon ;) Turning into the cemetery, I remembered when my Dad got litteraly stuck there on evening after visiting my Grandma Sheahen's gravesite. No Joke! I thought the same thing was going to happen to us! Here we are in our minivan slowly driving to his gravesite...hoping not to slide on the ice, or get stuck on the non plowed path-gotta love that!

Well, we made it! Only to discover that my Dad's spot was literally buried in the snow! And...Guess who forgot the shovel! So, I said a few prayers, wiped my tears, and called my brother and told him to get up here with a shovel. Dad would never have it that way!

That's about it.


Thanks again for the continued family and friends support.

Ken, (from my Dad's class) if you are reading this, thank you for the Christmas Card-it made my day!

Happy New Year! Hope all have safe travels.

1st Christmas without Dad

So here it is....Christmas Day. A day of celebration, love, laughter, and wonderful time with family. I miss Dad more than ever at this time. I figured this Christmas would be hard, but I did not anticipate another loss that is making this time more difficult.

I had quite the busy week, and just recently suffered another loss of a dear friend and co-worker. I attending her Memorial this week.

Sad, and hard...opening up the wounds and pain from the loss of my Dad. My friend too, was young, and had been fighting cancer on and off for 7 years.

She knew she was dying, and even planned her own Memorial.

Anyhow, this started the week off with sadness and more thoughts of the dreadful day that Dad passed away.

I can still picture him taking his last breath. So bitter sweet for me. No more suffering and pain for Dad...Free from all this hospital chaos.
But a new chapter in my life has begun, and I am still adjusting to that simple fact that I don't have my Dad physically anymore.

Christmas time is hard...being around family...seeing people with their Dad's in church...etc.
All things that make me think of my Dad.

I even saw a younger guy at Burger King last night, that resembled my Dad in his high school days. I am not kidding. I did laugh to myself, and couldn't help but to think of him.

You see, that's what happens. Little things like that make me think of him.

I prayed tonight in chuch, for my Dad. I prayed for his continued watch and guidance over my family and I.

I know he was with me and I even teared up during some of the lovely Christmas tunes.

Well, off to help "Santa". We are last minute folks around here.

Merry Christmas!

Refreshed from a Sheahen fam visit!

I am excited to report that I had a very nice visit this past weekend with my Aunt Dar (my Dad's sister) Uncle Harold (my Dad's Uncle), Grandpa Sheahen, and Pat.
We had a nice dinner and went bowling with the kids. It was nice to do something will everyone. This was the first time we got together with some of Dad's side of the family since the funeral.

I had lots of good laughs, and it a happy day to be around some of my Dad's family. I felt close, warm, and comforted, just by the day.

It's amazing sometimes, how little things go a long way!

I felt guilty not being able to visit longer. After an hour at the restaurant, my kids were turning into wild animals, and it wasn't good. Hence, the visit to the bowling alley...always a good source of entertainment.

Dad, however was not a fan of bowling, but would have loved to watch the kids bowl. He said that bowling wasn't a "real" sport. I remember the first time I told him my husband was in a bowling league. He laughed so hard. He would probably laugh even harder now, if he knew I was in one too!

Dad,
I still miss you and think of your everyday.
I wonder what you are up to?
I have lots of questions for you, and look forward to asking them to you someday. Please continue to guide me and my family, and keep looking out for us. I know you are around. We love and miss you so much!