Blog followers???

One more thing...
I did ad a blog follower list.

I wanted to see who still reads this site-of course you are not obligated to be a blog follower, but it's kinda nice though to see that people still read this!

Just click on follow this blog on the side.

Thanks!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!
Oh my, can you believe it's 2009??

What a year it has been. I am looking forward to this year.
Why???
Birthday's to celebrate-Steve and I will be 29, or kids will turn 5 and 2.
My 10 year class reunion is coming in November-which I am planning.
A family vacation is in order-yet to be determined.
Just a whole new year full of adventures.

Of course, more time will pass without Dad. I'll still miss him everyday, and some days more than others.
I often wonder what time will be like without him. Obviously, I am very thankful for the time we had when he was here, but I still wonder what the future will be like.

I still will look for him at my kids birthday parties-eating tons of my mother in law's bbq's-and drinking diet dews.

I will listen for his laughter as he watches my boys play sports.

I will think of him everytime I see my brother-driving around his car.

These things will probably never change. That's ok. I will keep these memories fond and near to my heart.

Even though, I might not update this thing as often as I would like, know that I still feel the same.

I miss my Dad terribly, more than I even anticipated, as crazy as that sounds.

But, this is a new year...a new start.

Time to continue to live life and enjoy life.

Of course, the new years res. are in order.

Take better care of myself
Workout more-and stop wasting that gym membership-I signed that lovely 2 year contact too.
Be a better catholic
Be the best, wife, and mom that I can be.

Best of luck to all you with your new year's resolutions-although, I think they are overrated, and not that necessary because we all do whatever we want anyway.

Hey, the look good on paper though.

Well, off to enjoy the rest of my long weekend!

Just a quick note-
Dad,
I miss you and love you!
Hope all is well. Please continue to be with me and watch over my family. Happy New Year to you!

Marshfield Visit

This weekend I had the opportunity to travel back to Marshfield to visit with friends and family.
I had a wonderful time.
I had lunch with Grandpa Sheahen and Pat. I even gave him a copy of this blog...from start to now.
I had it made into a hardcover book. I know he's never going to be able to go online and read this, so I thought I would bring it to him.
I don't think he made it though the first page before he started to cry...which was totally not my intention.
I felt bad, but he said he was happy I gave him such a beautiful gift. The bath robe and pj's though-he wasn't too sure about. :)
Also...

I went out with some friends from High School and ran into a lot of people. Of course, I had the occasional talks about my Dad.
Sad at times, but still nice to reminisce. Yes, I controlled my emotions and only got teary-eyed once throughout the course of the night.
I do appreciate all the hugs, thoughts, and kind words. Please continue to keep my Dad's memory alive.
At my Mom's we all had a nice cry at different times of the day on Christmas Day. I even had a nice chat with Carol (Dad's girlfriend) on the phone.

Of course, a visit to the cemetery was in order. Although, I was dreading this...I need to do it. Husband and kids in the car, we started up the path. Keep in mind, my baby was sleeping, and our oldest did not know what a cemetery is. We decided not to explain that yet. He's had to endure enough with this whole odeal. So, he thought we were looking at Christmas lights and Christmas flowers! (In the middle of the afternoon ;) Turning into the cemetery, I remembered when my Dad got litteraly stuck there on evening after visiting my Grandma Sheahen's gravesite. No Joke! I thought the same thing was going to happen to us! Here we are in our minivan slowly driving to his gravesite...hoping not to slide on the ice, or get stuck on the non plowed path-gotta love that!

Well, we made it! Only to discover that my Dad's spot was literally buried in the snow! And...Guess who forgot the shovel! So, I said a few prayers, wiped my tears, and called my brother and told him to get up here with a shovel. Dad would never have it that way!

That's about it.


Thanks again for the continued family and friends support.

Ken, (from my Dad's class) if you are reading this, thank you for the Christmas Card-it made my day!

Happy New Year! Hope all have safe travels.

1st Christmas without Dad

So here it is....Christmas Day. A day of celebration, love, laughter, and wonderful time with family. I miss Dad more than ever at this time. I figured this Christmas would be hard, but I did not anticipate another loss that is making this time more difficult.

I had quite the busy week, and just recently suffered another loss of a dear friend and co-worker. I attending her Memorial this week.

Sad, and hard...opening up the wounds and pain from the loss of my Dad. My friend too, was young, and had been fighting cancer on and off for 7 years.

She knew she was dying, and even planned her own Memorial.

Anyhow, this started the week off with sadness and more thoughts of the dreadful day that Dad passed away.

I can still picture him taking his last breath. So bitter sweet for me. No more suffering and pain for Dad...Free from all this hospital chaos.
But a new chapter in my life has begun, and I am still adjusting to that simple fact that I don't have my Dad physically anymore.

Christmas time is hard...being around family...seeing people with their Dad's in church...etc.
All things that make me think of my Dad.

I even saw a younger guy at Burger King last night, that resembled my Dad in his high school days. I am not kidding. I did laugh to myself, and couldn't help but to think of him.

You see, that's what happens. Little things like that make me think of him.

I prayed tonight in chuch, for my Dad. I prayed for his continued watch and guidance over my family and I.

I know he was with me and I even teared up during some of the lovely Christmas tunes.

Well, off to help "Santa". We are last minute folks around here.

Merry Christmas!

Refreshed from a Sheahen fam visit!

I am excited to report that I had a very nice visit this past weekend with my Aunt Dar (my Dad's sister) Uncle Harold (my Dad's Uncle), Grandpa Sheahen, and Pat.
We had a nice dinner and went bowling with the kids. It was nice to do something will everyone. This was the first time we got together with some of Dad's side of the family since the funeral.

I had lots of good laughs, and it a happy day to be around some of my Dad's family. I felt close, warm, and comforted, just by the day.

It's amazing sometimes, how little things go a long way!

I felt guilty not being able to visit longer. After an hour at the restaurant, my kids were turning into wild animals, and it wasn't good. Hence, the visit to the bowling alley...always a good source of entertainment.

Dad, however was not a fan of bowling, but would have loved to watch the kids bowl. He said that bowling wasn't a "real" sport. I remember the first time I told him my husband was in a bowling league. He laughed so hard. He would probably laugh even harder now, if he knew I was in one too!

Dad,
I still miss you and think of your everyday.
I wonder what you are up to?
I have lots of questions for you, and look forward to asking them to you someday. Please continue to guide me and my family, and keep looking out for us. I know you are around. We love and miss you so much!

Another reminder

Yesterday, while subbing in phy ed I went over to the bin of basketballs. I started handing out a basketball to each child, not thinking about much of anything. Then, almost out of nowhere, I came across a refereeing shirt scrunched up at the bottom of the bin.
Ahhhhhhhh....Dad, another reminder.

It's little things like this that are starting to make me smile.

Small reminders of my Dad, that seem to pop up when I am least expecting them. Things like this can totally turn my day around, and/or put a smile on my face.

Now that the holidays are so close, I find myself missing my Dad and thinking about what the holidays will be like without him.

I've always missed him since he has passed, so I still have those feelings, but during the holidays it's a deeper kind of miss.

Dad invented our annual gift exchange-too save some $ of course, but at any rate, this was always a blast.

Katy, Sam, and I all put our names in a hat, along with Dad and Carol, and we exchanged names. We always said we'd never tell who we had, but by the end of that gathering, everyone knew who they had! :)

MY faith has been renewed!

I am happy to note not only am I refreshed from our mini family vacation...I am spiritually feeling much better.

We took our kids to lots of Halloween Happenings-I started to get sad because of course I missed Dad again.

We took our kids to a hotel in Madison with a pool and waterslide, and had a relaxing and fun filled couple of days...I also spent some time mini golfing at the best mini golf course ever. The VITENSE Golfland-http://www.vitense.com/miniature.asp

My Dad would have loved this place. It was unbelievable! Indoor and outdoor mini golf, driving range, golf course,batting cages, a climbing wall, and more! What a scene!

My kids loved it. We took so many pictures.

I will ad some tomorrow probably. Just a riot. I wonder if my Dad has ever been there?

We did the indoor and outdoor mini golf course...we chose the Wisconsin Course-outdoor. It was great! The kids loved it so much-we went back a second day!

But, more importantly

First off, I received an email from on of my Dad's classmates Ken last week. This made my day, or week for that matter.

Ken reminded me that "Faith" is something that we have to believe in...if we were given answers to the unknown...then there really wouldn't be "Faith" anymore. He couldn't have been more right.

Thank you for taking the time out of your day, to take the time to read this blog, and to send me an email. That simple gesture meant a lot, and made me think a bit differently.

I went to Mass today-in fact, this was the first time I have been back-since my Dad has passed away. I know, I am not proud to admit this, it has been the longest I have gone without going to Mass, but like I said before-I was just having lots of doubts, sadness, and questions, and wasn't ready to accept what had occurred.

Although I am not sure I will ever be 100% okay with the fact that my Dad has passed away.

Today at Mass-I listened closely. It was almost like our Priest was speaking right too me. This Mass was just what I needed. I am not trying to sound all "Holy Roller" or anything, but I left having a great sense of Peace.

Here's what he said during the Homily...

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten
will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations
and jealousies will finally disappear.
So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won't matter where you came from
or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.
It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter?
How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought
but what you built, not what you got but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success
but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned
but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity,
compassion, courage, or sacrifice
that enriched, empowered or encouraged others
to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence
but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew,
but how many will feel a lasting loss when your gone.

What will matter is not your memories
but the memories that live in those who loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered,
by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.
It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

Death is not the end, but a beginning of a new life. We should have Peace in knowing that some day, we will be with our loved ones again, and more importantly, we will be one with God. I was always taught this, but it just made sense when I heard it in Mass.

Sometimes, it takes a ton of bricks, I know :) but in any case, I am thankful I went to Mass today. I am glad I heard what I needed to hear. I even held back some tears as I listened.

I am not "healed" or "over it" by any means, but I am feeling more at peace now.

One other exciting note from the weekend...
Sam (my brother) has decided to go back to school! He started tech school but decided it wasn't for him, and went to the work force part way through-when after high school.

Dad, I know you had a hand in this somehow! Thanks! I know you are probably laughing and crying tears of joy.

Yea for a happy weekend!