Questions

Everyday I miss my Dad, but some days are worse than others.

Today, I miss him a lot!

It was Trick or Treating day here-and I would love to have had him here to come trick or treating with us. That's something he never got to do.

I remember as a kid, he took us...walked along on the sidewalk-just hanging out...laughing at all the crazy costumes.

My kids were cute today. Collin was Thomas the Train, and Alex, was Spiderman. It was unbearably cold and miserable, but the kids still managed to have a great time.

Dad would would have laughed because we were having all this fun in the cold, rain.

I think about him everyday...wondering what he's up to. I still wonder if he is okay. My faith has really been tested throughout this whole ordeal. I am ashamed to admit, that I am slowly drifting away...asking questions...wanting signs. I just need to know Dad's okay.

I know this is something that Dad would not appreciate hearing. He raised us to be good Catholics. I have good morals, values, etc...but I just can't explain why I am questioning different parts of my faith.

I need some sort of concrete evidence knowing that Dad's okay. I wish he could just write me a note, or leave me a message somehow.

I know I really don't need this, but this is how I am feeling. My heart still aches for my Dad and my mind still has a lot of questions.

This is probably all part of the grieving process...or at least I hope this is.
I am not asking to feel this way-especially about my faith.

One other thing-I am angry that people take their parents for granted. It angers me that my Dad is not hear anymore, and when I hear people complain about their Mom or Dad...I just tell them-you don't know how lucky you are to have that person still here.

Life does seem a little unfair, even though-I know...that's how the ball rolls...when it's your time...it's your time.

Time might help me understand and heal-I know, but his whole deal is too fresh, and too real.

In any case, that's where I am at now. A reassuring note from the other day-my 4 year old said, "Mom, did you see Grandpa Sheahen?? He was hanging upside down in the clouds??" I almost fell over-because who knows...maybe he really saw him.

I responded calmly, "You are right, Alex, Grandpa is in Heaven now." And-I continued on with my day-wiping a tear from my eye.