Ed Sheahen Updates

I am thankful

2011-11-08T16:42:00.000-08:00

I am Thankful for my blogging outlet. Blogging allows me to speak my mind and get my feelings out.

The pain of losing a loved one is unimaginable until you are that person.

Eveyone experiences loss, in some way shape or form, every day. It's sad to imagine that others have to suffer a similar pain.

I spend a little time each day, reflecting on the fact that I am thankful for my family and the health of my husband, children, and myself.

People all around me are affected by illness, financial hardship, loss, marriage troubles, and more. I know there is growth through suffering, and I try to tell myself that, but sometimes it is easier said than done.

Losing my Dad changed me. Sometimes I would say it, it made me stronger. I went though the most horrible pain. I was physically and mentally, exhausted. I didn't know how to move on. I cried for days on end, didn't eat, and wanted to curl up in my bed forever. I struggled to be a wife, and a Mom. My husband and my own children couldn't console me. I was a mess. I think about that painful time and still get tears in my eyes. I saw my father take his last breath. I heard it. I watched as his 54 year old body, quickly turn into an 80 year old man, as his life lifted out of him.

I grabbed his hand, and put my head by his mouth, almost just to check and see, and that was it. Just like that, he was gone, it was over. All the pain and suffering he was going though, was gone.

I spent the next few months, blogging away. Talking about my feeling to my readers. I liked that they were my ears. Just wanted someone to hear my feelings and not have to give the same generic response. I also needed a connection and outlet allowing me to share my feelings. I needed to get this out.

This is why I still blog today. I still have feelings of sadness. Fear of losing my Mom, husband, or my children. After going though what I went through with my Dad, I needed time to rebuild myself.

I needed time to grieve and understand what happened. I lost my Dad so suddenly, and I felt like although I was there to say goodbye, I still needed more time with him.

In some ways, I feel like that today, when there are times that I wish he was here to share the joys of my life: family celebrations, birthdays, special occasions, and more!

I am stronger because I have had to rebuild myself. I am the same person, I just got a little out of sorts when I lost my Dad.

I like to create new memories for my children based on what my Dad would have done with them. I continually share stories and memories to them.

3 years ago tonight, I said, goodbye to my Dad

2011-08-23T20:55:00.000-07:00

Miss you, Dad!
3 Years have gone by since I said goodbye.

I am thinking of you tonight!

Love you and miss you!

Moo!

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, DAD!

2011-06-17T19:51:00.001-07:00

DAD - photo slideshow

Just another moment you were in my thoughts

2011-03-17T18:12:00.000-07:00

Dear Dad
Miss you today, thought of you today, yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that....and the day before that....and the day before that...
Get the picture.

While making the trip back to Marshfield, that long drive always gets me thinking about the past. The way things were when you were here.

I did a few things in your honor that day...
1. Drank a Mello Yellow
2. Ate at Chips of course, I could only eat a Jr. Champ, but I did think of you while I ate it.
3. Cried while I drove by the cemetery. Sorry, couldn't stop. I was afraid I would get stuck like you did that one time while you were visiting Grandma Sheahen. Seriously, I couldn't stop because the kids were in the car and I was trying to quietly cry. Good thing I had my sunglasses on! :)
4. Had a nice visit with Mom and Kate and their families.
5. Called Sam

Well, I hope you are having a nice time up in Heaven. I am sure you are. I miss you and think of you more than you will ever know.

Life goes on, I know, but it will never be the same.

I am thankful for the family that is still here with me today. Thanks to God and you for blessing me each day with the joys of my children, my husband, and my life.

Thinking of you, this very moment.

I love you, Dad!

Peace and Love,
Moo! ;)

Merry Christmas I would have wrapped you your gift of underwear, socks, and peanuts!

2010-12-25T20:08:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas, Dad!
Another holiday has come and gone without you. Thinking of you today. Wondering what you might be doing?

If you were here, I would give you some socks, underwear, and peanuts! I miss that. I miss our crazy gift exchange where we wondered what crazy gifts we would all get. I miss having a meal and laughing with you. I miss being able to talk to you.

I miss the rest of the fam too. Would be nice if we could all be together again.

Miss the old times!

These times now, are good, but definitely not the same. I am thankful for new traditions, but will always remember the old.

Merry Christmas, Dad.

I love you and miss you!

Winter Memories

2010-12-24T07:57:00.001-08:00

It's been almost a month since I have written on here. The craziness of this time of year is to blame.
Many things this season have reminded me of my Dad.

Chex Party Mix-one of my Dad's holiday favs.
Snow-and the snow removal that comes with it.
Ice-Icing the sidewalks and the driveway while trying not to slip
Anything weather related reminds me of my Dad, especially winter weather. The cold never seemed to bother him. He always made sure: snow was shoveled, ice was melting, and the driveway was clear.

I haven't mastered the snow-blower yet. Usually, I shovel the old fashioned way and leave the hard stuff for my husband. As I complain about the snow removal, I am reminded of my Dad his obsession with it. A smile always follows these thoughts.

Happy Thanksgiving

2010-11-28T11:54:00.000-08:00

Dad,
I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving in Heaven.

As with any other holiday, I missed you a lot on this day. On holidays, I think about what it was like with all of us together. I remember the meals, football, laziness, traveling, goofing around, and so much more.

Now, I am working on new traditions for my family. Trying to carry on the traditions from when I was growing up.

Thinking of you, Dad.

Miss you and love you!

Banana Splits!

2010-10-14T16:47:00.000-07:00

Right now as I sit eating a banana it reminds me of the banana split I had on Saturday, and triggers a memory of my Dad.

Dad loved banana splits. Katy reminded me of that last weekend. I remember that, and was glad that she did too.

Ah the little things that still remind me of you.

Seeing Mom makes me think of you too. Remembering all the fond memories from growing up. I can only hope to carry on some of those same traditions for my family.

Dad, I miss you and love you!

2 years ago today I said goodbye

2010-08-23T10:46:00.000-07:00

It's been 2 years today since I last saw you, Dad.

The bittersweet time came around 6 that evening. I watched you peacefully take your last breath. I cried and cried...but still felt a sense of relief.

Now, things are still the same...just different without you. I remember the past, the memories, good and bad. I have decided not to let the past be my future.

When my Dad passed away, my world stopped. I found comfort in nothing. Not even my own family could fix my emotions.

Today, as I reflect upon that day, or better that week leading up to that day, I still find myself asking the same questions.

It's hard for me not to think about this day, on today, Dad's death anniversary.

But rather than focus on the sadness, I have decided to think about the positive times.

Today, in your honor, Dad, I did these things for you!

I mowed the lawn-because I remember how much you loved yard work and mowing lawn always makes me think of you.
I drank your favorite pop-mello yellow
and
I ate your favorite turkey sammie for lunch.

Thank you, Dad for the happy memories. I am thinking of you today, as I do everyday.

I miss you and love you!

:) Moo

Time passes by...

2010-07-25T17:59:00.000-07:00

We take for granted many things in life. We are all guilty in some way of this. I try to remind myself when I start to do this in my own life. It happens. We get busy. We get preoccupied with our events in life and before we know it...time passes and we are older.

This past week, I visited a nursing home while I was substitute teaching and could not help but to think of my Grandfather who recently passed, and my father, who passed almost 2 years ago.

I wonder what my Dad would have been like as an old man? Sadly, I will not get a chance to see that. My Grandfather, frail and ailing in his last month of life, was probably pretty close to what my Dad would have looked like.

Part of me is thankful that my Dad did not have to endure the nursing home route, etc. The other part of me wishes he could experience growing old.

Just a little bit of points to ponder.

Happy Father's Day in Heaven!

2010-06-20T12:59:00.000-07:00

It's Father's Day and I miss my father! It has been almost 2 years since he has passed away and not a day has gone by that I have not thought about him.
Dad, I think about you more today because it is Father's Day. I miss our traditional visits and gatherings on this day. I remember the cookouts at my house in Ripon. Those were good times. Today, as I travel home from a family trip to Michigan, I think of you. Stories of remember when are going though my head.
Listening to my kids ask "how much longer?" reminds me of our trips to IL. I am thankful I have a husband and children to spend the weekend with. Spending time with them reminds me of things we did when I was young.
I know I said this before, but I will say it again. Dad, thank you. I am glad I spent almost 28 years of my life with you. I am thankful for that time. Yes, it was cut very short when you passed, but I am thankful for the time that we did have. I can only imagine what life would be like with you still here. Know that we still love you and think of you often. Today, when I arrive home, I will do something in your memory.
Dad, you loved and are missed. Happy Father's Day!

Miss You

2010-06-02T17:15:00.000-07:00

I am feeling sad tonight. It's gloomy and rainy and I am thinking of my Dad. Why can't things just be like they used to be?

Miss you and love you, Dad!

thankful

2010-05-17T20:08:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I thought of my Dad. Alex played a great baseball game. Lots of hits, great plays on the field, and excellent base running. Too bad Dad could not have seen this game.

Thinking about things Dad missed in recent weeks.
Baseball games
1st Communion of one of your granddaughters
Family gatherings
Mother's Day
Grandparents Day at Alex's school

and I am sure I missed a few things...just feeling down about it.

Mom was able to take a day off of work and come and spend the night with us. Alex enjoyed her company on Grandparents day. I am thankful that she was able to spend this day with him. I like that she is able to watch my children grow and participate in their lives.

Like when Dad was alive, I wish that they both live closer. The same town would be ideal.

It just seems like the kids are growing so fast. I look back at how things were when I was young. I lived the carefree life, just like my kids. It just makes me stop and thing and appreciate all I have.

Grandpa passed away

2010-03-28T15:44:00.000-07:00

Sadly, Grandpa Sheahen has passed away last Monday. He is now at peace and is now in the company of his son, and wife.
I am thankful I was able to have words with him on the Friday before he passed. He was resting comfortably in his bed at the hospice home. His frail, ailing body, was hard to see. I had lots of reminders of seeing my father laying there.

Funeral info will be on April 10th. Check the marshfieldnewsherald or details.

Pray for his peace

2010-03-13T14:17:00.000-08:00

Sending out a prayer request for my Grandfather who is back in the hospital again. We need prayers for his peace and comfort.
May God Speed!

Prayers and strength

2010-02-21T19:06:00.000-08:00

Not much new to report.
Staying busy with the boys and family.
I am praying daily for my Grandpa Sheahen. I pray that he gains strength and he gets well soon.

On the flip side, I am enjoying the conversations with relatives. Hopefully, a visit will be in order soon!

A lot of reminders

2010-02-08T19:20:00.001-08:00

Lots of reminders of Dad lately....
Talks with his sister in AZ.
Superbowl
Grandpa Sheahen news
and some local basketball.

A lot of little things this past week have triggered memories.
When I talk with my relatives, on my Dad's side of the family I can't help but to be reminded of him. I am ok with that. I like that.

Sports always remind me of him. Wondering who he would have rooted for in the Superbowl. Not really sure, but probably the Saints, as they were the underdog.

Some positive news for the week is that my husband is going to coach Alex's softball team again this year. Again, something I know my Dad would have loved to have seen.

We are excited about the season to begin and have recruited a team of 14 kindergartners. Fun stuff.

That's about it for now.

Folding laundry thoughts

2010-01-19T16:24:00.000-08:00

Tonight, folding laundry, I thought of my Dad.
A pair of Steve's windpants (like the ones you used to wear) and that was all it took to get me thinking. Dad, I miss you. Others miss you too. I often wonder how you are...what you are doing...and if you are ok. My faith helps somewhat, but I still have these questions running though my head. I can't think of the last day I haven't had a thought of you. In fact, I don't think there has been a single day since you have passed away, that I have not had something pop into my head that reminded me of you. I like that. I never want to lose this sense of remembrance of you. I like remembering good times, and sometimes I think about the not so good times. Either way, I think of you often.
I love you Dad!

Chicago Trip down memory lane

2010-01-13T19:05:00.000-08:00

The rush of the holidays are over. I am finding that time doesn't sit still these days. Between my family and work. I have been a busy lady.

We recently took a trip to Chicago to recharge as a family. This was a well deserved and well needed vacay for us all.

Of course, going back there brought back memories of Dad.

Cub Fans everywhere, seeing the L Train which we took to Wrigley, driving though downtown, sightseeing, Solider Field, museums, and so much more.

We even made a trip to the HARPO Studios so I could have my pic taken by the OPRAH sign. :)

I thought of my Dad and our trips to visit relatives in IL. Paying tollways, shopping at G Mills. The drive provided me with lots of time to think and remember of those times.

It saddens me to think that those times are long gone and that I will not get to do those things with my Dad again, but on the other hand...I feel happy to be able to provide my children with some of the same adventures.

Dad, you would have been proud of us, and I know you were smiling down on us when we thought of you. I prayed silently at each spot that reminded me of my Dad. I couldn't help, but to smile when memories flooded my head.

We hope to travel back in the spring, and catch a CUBS game with the boys.

Dad, you are thought about and missed, everyday.

Christmas is almost here

2009-12-22T18:26:00.000-08:00

Well, Dad
Christmas is almost here....
My kids are overjoyed and have been counting down the days for almost a month. It's fun to see their excitement.
I am doing well. Just can't help, but to think of those Christmas' when we were all together, wacky gift exchanges, good food, and laughs. Ah, the good old days for sure.
I miss all that, but look forward to making memories my children can share.

Just wanted to send a little note. I am thinking of Dad often.

Happy Birthday to my brother, Sam!

2009-12-12T17:44:00.000-08:00

I would like to wish my brother Sam, a Happy 23rd Birthday. I remember a lot about that day-even though I was only a kindergartner. I got on the bus and left for school that day, and the bus driver asked me the same question she had for a week now. "Did your Mom hav that baby yet?' Katy and I always laughed and said, "not yet". After school, I remember seeing my Grandma Sheahen's car in our driveway. That's when I knew the baby was here!

Sam was a chubby little man, and my sister and I were proud. Hard to believe that was so many years ago!

Today, is a little emotional for all of us, especially Sam, who misses Dad probably more than anyone will ever know.

Thankfully, he spent some time at Mom's today-and I spoke with him earlier today on the phone.

Dad, you are in our thoughts today, like always, but I have a special request for you today-keep Sam in your thoughts and prayers on his birthday.
Thank you. and Love you too!

Snow Dump

2009-12-09T18:48:00.000-08:00

Well, winter is for sure here now...we got dumped on last night...probably 12 inches or so. The kids love it. Me, not so much.
I am not a huge fan of winter driving, snow shoveling, and cold weather. But, I live in Wisconsin, and I have to endure all 3 from now until March!
Thankfully, we now have a snowblower which eases the snow shoveling. It was our big purchase last year, and has defiantly paid for itself already! Dad loved snow removal. Yes, he complained about having to do it, but still did it. He did removal for others too. I remember in the recent years he did work at the condo complex he lived in, helping others with their removal. Even when he came to my house. He would be out chopping at the ice at the end of my driveway. The last time, he even wrecked our shovel doing it. Of course, Steve and I laughed, proabably me more than Steve, but Dad didn't seem to care, because it worked...the ice was gone, and now, so was the shovel. Of course, now I wished I would have saved that shovel because it would have been another concrete memory.

Well...that's about he for now. Just wanted to share another memory. Thinking of you, Dad. Now, at the moment. Thought of you today when I was removing snow.

I miss you and love you!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-26T19:11:00.001-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving!
Had a nice Thanksgiving meal today at my Mom's today...
Thanksgiving, a day to be thankful...this year I am thankful for family, friends, good health, the norm, just like most years. Thank you to Mom, for the wonderful meal. Kate, Sam, Brother in law, Jay, it was nice to see all of you. I always enjoy these gatherings. Dad, you were for sure missed today, but provided us with ample conversation, multiple times, today!
It felt good to gather with my family, again. As always, a holiday makes me think of how things used to be...when you were still with us...
I got a little emotional on the way up to Mom's. Knowing that you are not physically with us anymore, is still painful. I still have sudden outbursts of tears and sadness, but it's getting better, I think...
Today, I thought about when we were younger and the Thanksgiving meals we shared. You always loved Thanksgiving-turkey and mashed potatoes-your fave...were a staple on this holiday. We certainly ate our share today, had tons of laughs, and a really nice time.

Us on Thanksgiving!

2009-11-26T19:11:00.000-08:00

Comedy Cafe's are great!

2009-11-22T19:09:00.000-08:00

Another weekend, flew by! Hard to believe it's already Sunday evening. Kids are tucked in bed, and I am up to my elbows in laundry...which by the way, I should be doing now. I need to blog to clear my mind.
This weekend, I saw a great comedy show at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton. I highly recommend this place! Steve and I had so much laughs. We were almost in tears at some points. This was a just what we needed! A night out with great friends, for a friend's 30th, dinner, drinks, and lots of laughter. Speaking of drinks... I tried a chocolate kiss martini, the second martini I have ever tried in my life, and it was good, but bit strong for me. I only drank 1/2 and one of my girlfriends drank the rest. I would much rather stick with a good, white wine.
Anyhow, it was a riot. These comedians were great! Lots of crude, obnoxious jokes, that may have been pushing the "R Envelope", but given the setting, and circumstances of celebrating a friend's 30th-everything seemed appropriate. Of course, one comedian made a CUBS joke, because he had just been in the Chicago area. This totally reminded me of my Dad, as anything Cubs does.

I just smiled and thought of how much he would have enjoyed hearing these comedians. I am sure he wouldn't have gone for the non-smoking setting, close seating, and the cost of the drinks, even the sodas were expensive!

We will be going back there again, for sure!

Today, church, going home and doing yardwork (Cleaning gutters, etc.) a Target run this afternoon, and dinner with the inlaws and there went Sunday.

Looking forward to a short week and seeing THE FAM! Not only do I miss my Dad, but I miss my MOM, BROTHER, AND SISTER TOO! I will see them this week!

I miss my family

2009-11-14T14:43:00.000-08:00

The reunion was a success. Lots of fun seeing old friends and talking about the good old days at CHS. I am proud to be a Don, and will always be!
A few people brought up my Dad, which of course, was bound to happen. It was alright though because I like to talk about him. At this stage in the game, it seems to help the healing process. As if I will ever be ok with losing a parent.
The Holidays are coming quick and this season will again provide ample time for thoughts and reflection. This time of year always makes me think about family. Mom, Dad, Kate, Sam, and my extended family. It would be nice to see everyone again. All at the same place, just like old times. They say change is good, but I still struggle to see how this change was good.
Seeing Grandpa Sheahen, this past weekend, was nice. Sometimes, his voice even sounded like my Dad's and I liked that. Obviously, there is a resemblance there, that makes me think of my Dad too.
I know this blog seems to be choppy, but I am having a miss my family moment, which inspired me to blog.
Off to dinner at my inlaws.

1 month just flew by!

2009-11-05T19:13:00.000-08:00

Very busy month!
Long time, no post, I know! I have been working a ton and my 10 year class reunion has consumed most of my time.
In addition to Halloween activities, Alex's school activities, yard work, and everyday tasks, I have been one busy gal.
It's a good thing, I guess because time has flown by.
Speaking of...my class reunion is this weekend, so no time for updating now.
Still miss Dad everyday. Looking forward to seeing my Mom this weekend...and the rest of the fam too.
Will also be doing a Grandpa Sheahen and Pat visit this weekend pre reunion festivities.

Looking forward to a great, busy, and FUN weekend!

Weekend update

2009-10-04T11:37:00.000-07:00

Another busy weekend...Alex's football game, shopping, birthday parties, and a night out with my husband!
Steve and I went to dinner last night downtown. We braved the homecoming crowds and had dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant. It was refreshing to have a "date". The kids gladly opted for a sleepover at Grandma's. (Steve's parent's) After dinner we went to our friends house and hung out. The guys watching football on the dvr and the ladies talking and laughing over wine. Good company and great friends is a great way to spend a Saturday evening.

Homecoming weekend brought back memories of my high school years. 95-99...watching winning football games, toilet-papering, and other shenanigans. I remember once my Dad driving us to the store so we could by TP, and Mom taking us TP-ing freshmen year! Our van was loaded with people, and mom was behind the wheel. All fun and games until we got pulled over. We hid the TP, and rolls were rolling out from under the seat, and the police officer let us go! LOL! Ah, the good old days!

Thought of Dad today because I received an email from one of his classmates.-I have to finish this later...just checked the time-off to pick Alex up from a birthday party.

I'm 29 Happy Birthday to Kate and I

2009-09-20T19:24:00.000-07:00

3 days ago, I celebrated my 29th birthday. I was doing okay, I subbed taught during the day, my girlfriends surprised me with coffee and breakfast, and the day seemed to be a happy one.

Then, I thought about it.

No family, Dad was gone, and Mom lives far away. No siblings to share the happiness...(they too, were far away) and I was sad.

Any other year, I would have been fine. Just another birthday, but would have made it a point to visit my family (Mom, Dad, Katy, Sam) sometime that weekend.
My sadness lasted a long time, and my friends and family were calling to check on me. I was fine, just sad. Even my own children were trying to cheer me up.

I got over it that evening, when I had a time to reflect...talked with Sam (my brother), my twin sister, and my Mom, and Grandpa Sheahen, and felt better. Growing old doesn't really bother me, missing my family, does.

Although, 29 is hardly, old. Next year, when I turn 30, I might have a different mentality! LOL!

My girlfriends took me out on Friday night, and I indulged in a guiltfree night of laughs, dancing, drinks, and quality mommy time with friends. Saturday, Alex had a football game after which we traveled to visit my Mom, my sister, and her family. I wanted to make it to the casino, but didn't have the time to.

The family time was nice. I do have more to ad, but I have to cut this post short, for a phone call. Will write again when I get a chance.

Sept. 11th-a time to reflect and think about the past.

2009-09-11T11:23:00.000-07:00

Sept. 11th.
I remember that day. I was just about to head to class at UWSP. I was waiting for my boyfriend (now husband) to pick me up for class. I sat in my apt. with the CNN news on was having my breakfast. Then, it happened, the first plane hit. I watched for a minute, and had to head to class because Steve came in. We drove to campus and I walked to my religious studies class from the parking lot we always parked in. By the time I sat down, my professor delivered the news and turned on the tv. Another plane crash. We all watched in sadness and horror, and classes were dismissed for the rest of the day. I walked to the student union for something to eat and noticed the silence and sadness. My appetite was no longer there, I sat down at an empty table and started to pray.

This day, I will never forget. Reflecting on that inspired me to blog today...

I am taking a break from housecleaning and laundry folding for an update. Big doings in our household. Little Alex started kindergarten and football practice! Crazy stuff. As with any big event, I wish I had both my parents there to enjoy it. Too bad Mom lives so far away, and Dad, too bad you had to leave us so soon.
I loaded up the van and off we went to school. Alex was full of smiles and excitement, and I felt fine too. I had some butterflies, but overall, I felt fine. What was the big fuss about, it was just kindergarten right? Well, all was well, until I gave my hug and kiss and walked out of his classroom. The tears just started flowing. I quickly hid behind my sunglasses and raced out of the building. Where did that come from? I didn't see that coming. It was just the whole ordeal of my little man growing up. We have full day kindergarten here, and as much as I was excited for him to go, and anticipating that day all summer, when it came down to it, maybe I was not as ready as I thought.

Two weeks have passed now and I find myself thinking about Alex still a lot, but I am enjoying my time with Collin too. It's kind of like the time I had with Alex before I had Collin. We are adjusting to our new schedule.

Alex started football practice. We are already on our second mouth guard. The dog got a hold of the first one. Dad, I know you would have gotten a good laugh from that. We sure did. Good thing, we already bought two, anticipating a lost one. He does pretty well. He is such a little guy, and it's flag football, so I don't have to worry that much right?

Dad, I wish you were here to see this. Watch practices, play catch, and go to games. Like any sport he plays, Alex gives his all, and is very competitive. Even though this is flag football, some kids "forget" that. Last night at practice, Alex was hit on a block, and his body went flying through the air and he laid still on the practice field. My heart started to race. I couldn't even speak, I really thought he was seriously hurt. I yelled his name from the sideline, and he jumped up and yelled "what!" Everyone laughed, and Alex continued on. YIKES! I need to get used to this sports watching thing. When it comes to your own kids, it's way different.

A recent trip to Marshfield for my cousin's wedding was a mini vacation for us. The Holiday Inn with a waterslide, and the Central Wisconsin State Fair provided us with some great entertainment.

Puppy news-Our Frank was neutered on Tuesday. Another adventure. The crazy thing threw up on the way to the vet. He must have known what was going to happen to him. And, if that wasn't enough...At the vet, he pooped on the floor when I was checking him in! Seriously! DOGS, I tell ya! $103 later, and after a long day for Frank at the vet, I was able to take him home.

I've also been busy planning my class reunion which is scheduled for Alpine Holiday Weekend, Nov. 7,8, & 9th. Looking forward to seeing classmates, I haven't seen in 10 years!

Well off to finish laundry and household duties before I need to pick Alex up from school.

Dad, just to remind you, my birthday is this coming week. That's what I used to do is call my Dad a week before and remind him, jokingly.

1 year ago today

2009-08-23T18:52:00.000-07:00

One year ago today, you passed away. I can remember that moment like it happened yesterday. I heard your breaths getting weaker, and there was more time in between your breaths. I nervously watched the heart monitor as your vitals dropped. The nurse must have sensed my anxiety, and shut the machine off. Carol began saying prayers and stoking your forehead. Steve held me close, and tears streamed down my cheeks. I was waiting for the moment that you would take your last breath, and then, at 6:00 you let out one last breath. I touched your hand, and lips, of course, you were still warm, and I checked for a pulse, as I looked at your somewhat peaceful looking body. Your skin sunk in, and you lifeless body, seemed to be quickly aging. I cried, and cried, hugging Steve and Carol.

What a day off sadness, and somewhat relief. No more suffering, no more pain, now, you are in peace.

Today, just one year ago-which by the way seems to have gone by real fast....We went to Marshfield for a Mass Grandpa Sheahen had set up in your name at OLP. The whole fam was there, and Dar and Tom came from AZ-they were visiting fam in the area, and Uncle Harold came too. Of course, Kate and her fam, Sam, Mom, and my fam and I was there too. Saw a few other regular church goers that knew you too.

After the mass, we headed up to the cemetery. My kids found entertainment jumping over gravestones, and running around. It was happy and sad. There was tears and laughter at different points of our visit there.

I tried to be composed because my kids were there, but that didn't last when I saw Sam and Mom embracing and crying.

Afterward, we enjoyed our a traditional meal at Crabby Daves-which I know you would appreciate!
I had a turkey Sammy in your honor, but you probably wouldn't have loved because it was on a croissant, and it had honey mustard on it!

It was nice seeing everyone, sharing memories, and thoughts of you was defiantly the highlight!

I was happy to see Dar and Tom too-and Aunt Dar, thanks for still reading this blog! :)

I will come and visit someday. I look forward to seeing you guys, Mary, the kids, your grandkids, and everyone!

Thanks for the visit!

Today it all started just one year ago...

2009-08-15T09:07:00.000-07:00

Well here we are one year to the day that my Dad went to the hospital to find out what was wrong. I am full of sadness, as I reflect back upon those 9 days. What a roller coaster ride. Some ups, but a lot of downs. I went back and read the blog that I so religiously kept. The late night updates, full of emotion and love. I held on to everything that I could, for as long as I could. My faith, strength, and overall being was tested.

I miss Dad today and everyday, some days more than others. I try not to let my emotions get the best of me.

This blog has been my therapy and a great place to vent and reflect.

First and foremost, I want to thank my family. What a lot for a family to go through. I know we aren't the only ones, but at the time, it really felt like we were. The support and love I have received is not forgotten, and is appreciated.
I want to thank everyone for their continued thoughts and prayers.

This year has been full of greatness and love and I am thankful for that.

I have learned a lot though this entire process, but probably the most important lesson is to love and appreciate your loved ones because life is too short.

Thoughts and Reminders

2009-08-10T10:45:00.000-07:00

Today is just another day in most people's lives. Well for me it is too. It starts out like most days when I wake up, do the morning routine, and things are comfortably the same. Then, it happens...something remind me of my Dad. This happens a lot and it either send me into a smile thinking of him, or tears missing him...

Last night, it was the fact that my new puppy had an accident and I was shaking my head while cleaning up dog poop. Potty training a dog hasn't been fun. I would rather potty train 10 toddlers to 1 dog-no joke!
Well, I couldn't help but to think of what Dad would say-and the laugh he would have had over the whole ordeal.

Yesterday, it was heading towards Waupaca to have some end of summer fun at a friend's lake house.

I could go on and on about these moments. It's hard to believe it's almost been a year since my Dad has passed away.

Sometimes it seems slow, and other times, the time has passed fast.

I am thankful for those that are still here. I love my family very much and have been trying to make more of an effort to show that they are appreciated.

I will always encourage others to do the same as well.

Alex is 5 today!

2009-07-11T21:09:00.000-07:00

Today, Alex turned 5. I remember that day like it was yesterday. It's hard to believe 5 years have passed.

Tonight was a fun family night. Mom and Natasha came for a sleepover.

Tomorrow, a fun birthday party planned. Poolside fun at a hotel. I am excited.

Dad, you are in my thoughts as always. Another fun time with the fam, but still missing you. I know how much you enjoy those family gatherings...lol!

Seriously, I know you did love seeing the kids though.

Miss ya terribly and love you too! Goodnight!

Long time, no post-busy summer

2009-07-03T20:51:00.000-07:00

Long time no posts...I know.
Busy times around here-summer is in full swing. Between running Alex to summer school, swimming lessons, soccer, or softball; my summer is flying by!

Father's Day came and went-I felt sad that day as expected. Probably more so because it was my 1st Father's Day without my Dad.

My family celebrated Father's Day a week later taking a trip to the Madison Zoo and Vitense mini golf course. We had a great day trip. It was nice getting away. For the kids, I think the mini golf was the highlight of the trip. I have mentioned this before, but that place is amazing. I always think more of my Dad when we do things that I know he would appreciate. Having a mini golf course, was always a passion of his...of course with that, the batting cages, driving range, etc.

Someday, when I am rich and famous, I would love to build one, in honor of him! Speaking of rich and famous...
I need to get Dad a headstone. I need to and will when we can afford one. Actually, I need to check into it more. It's just one of those things that I have been putting off. For what a funeral costs, those damn things should be included in the price. Thankfully, we recieved lots of help with the funeral costs! I haven't forgotten that generosity!

Onward...
Well, tonight we just got back from the fireworks....fun times as well. The kids had a blast-sparklers and all.

Tomorrow, it's off to a friend's lakehouse for a day on the lake...should be fun too.

Sunday, a visit with my Mom, sister, and brother, which I am looking forward too! A LOT!

Ah, love my family!

Speaking of this. Sam came to one of Alex's softball games last weekend. He was close for country USA, and decided to come to a game. We met him at the hotel he was staying at. He walked out in the parking lot, and looked so much like Dad. No one said a word. We just smiled and continued on to the game.

Dad, you would have loved to have been there, like always.

Miss you tons, and still love you, like when you were here!

Vacation anyone???

2009-06-16T20:45:00.000-07:00

This evening was a bit stressful. The kids were crabby, bedtime was hard, Steve was crabby about work stuff, and it was an all around not so fun evening.

We need a vacation!
Yes, a vacation would be so nice! It's been almost 6 years since we have traveled. I mean like on an airplane, or driven somewhere over 4 hours away.

Let me backup to our last vacation-it was to WI Dells almost a year ago.
Dad and Mom met all of us at Kate and Jay's hotel room at the Kalahari . Fun times...just like old times...the whole fam together again....the first time in a long time...probably since my parent's divorced when I was 17...that we made a family trip like this.
Although, it was just for the evening, it was still great! Dad was in the water too-enjoying watching his grandchildren. He even floated around the lazy river for what seemed like eternity! He was back and forth between that and the wave pool. Oh, and I must not forget heading back up to Kate and Jay's room for a score check on the Cubs game. God forbid he missed any minute of that game! LOL!

Anyhow, just thinking of the memories. Missing my entire family.

Another Win for Alex

2009-06-01T18:45:00.000-07:00

Just got home from another one of Alex's softball games.
Can't help, but to think of you on these days. I know you would be so proud of Alex. I remember what it was like to have you at our sporting events growing up. I wish Alex had that opportunity too.
He's a hustler, hitter, and a ballplayer. Everything, I know you would be proud of.
I have some peace knowing that you are watching from above, but it's not the same as having you there.

Life is different since you've been gone. Not good, or bad, just different. I would never have anticipated you going so soon, or all my emotions afterward.
I know you know we miss you, and have not forgotten you.

Memorial Day

2009-05-25T20:47:00.000-07:00

Hope everyone had a Happy Memorial Day and a great weekend with friends and family.
We sure did...
The highlight for me was a cookout today at my house. Gorgeous weather, yummy food, lots of laughs, couldn't ask for more.

Dad you missed the great food: burgers, brats, dogs, and the fixin's-you probably would just have had some burgers, and dews.

Dad you missed the kids craziness-playing outside, Alex hitting some baseballs, the kids taking turns on Alex's new min motorcycle, sliding down the blow up waterslide, which you loved seeing at Alex's birthday party-except we didn't have water on it-the wind would have been too cold for the kiddos.

AND MORE!

I am glad I spent a ton of quality family time this weekend-also did a ton of yardwork too. Speaking of which, I seem to be putzing around in the yard more so now than I ever have before. I remember how much you enjoyed yardwork. You took so much pride in the yard growing up. I like it too. It's kind of theraputic to me. When I am out there working-mowing, planiting, mulching, weed wacking, etc...I think of you.

I miss you. Mom misses you. Kate and Sam miss you. We all do! Man, it's hard to believe it will be 1 year in Aug.

Well...off to bed for me. Love you, Dad.

Thank you for watching over me

2009-05-14T05:57:00.000-07:00

I had a scary experience last night on the road in the pouring rain. Luckily no one got hurt. It could have been a ton worse. I am so thankful I was being watched over! Going around a curve, in the pouring rain...I fishtailed, slid off the rode, going around a curve, into a ditch, and side swiped a pole. Nothing major, just a big dent in my vehicle. Alex and I are fine. I was following my friend-and she saw the whole thing-thank God she was there! I just feel bad, embarrassed, and still upset, hence the short and sweetness of this post.

Thank you God, and thank you Dad!

Alex's first game!

2009-05-03T07:59:00.000-07:00

Dad,
I really missed you yesterday on the way to Alex's softball game. We were heading to the game and I thought of you.
How proud you would have been to see him play his first game. How happy he would have been to see you there. Even though I take some peace in knowing that you were there in spirit, it's not the same as having you physically there. I was overcome with sadness and completely lost it on the way to game. If you could have seen him in his uniform, right down to the socks and cleats, I know you would have cried. He's the littlest guy on the team, and the youngest, for that matter, but don't let his size fool you. He's a hustler!

Well, I am happy to report that Alex's first softball game was a success. We won! He was 2 for 2 and played great! The score was 4 to 1 It was so exciting to watch him play. Seeing Steve out there too-as the coach, made me smile more! I remember when you coached us, great times!

The kids played a second game right away because it was opening day, and unfortunately we lost that game 3-10. The kids were just happy they won their first game!

Dad, missed you at the game yesterday. I know you were watching from above! Thanks for the win!

Turkey sandwiches don't taste the same

2009-04-27T11:12:00.000-07:00

Dad
I am having lunch-thinking of you.
Turkey sandwiches have never tasted the same since you have passed away. Things haven't been the same...everything has been different.
Each day, I think of you-time and time again. I had a garage sale this weekend and attempted to sell a few of your shirts and pants. I know you probably laughed thinking I was trying to capitalize on your stuff. Well, I needed some dough. :)
It was hard watching people sift though your things, but I thought at least I wouldn't get too emotional at my garage sale. I was right...I kept my emotions intact until mom cam over. She picked out a few things that she wanted for Sam...after she left to spend the afternoon at school with Alex-I cried. I miss you so much! I wish there was a way to have more time with you. I need a few more minutes...even though I know that would probably not be enough either.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
I am cooking dinner for my father in law tonight because my mother in law is out of town for a few more days. We are having brats on the grill. I know not a fav of yours, but it would have been nice to cook you dinner sometime.
I never did that for you. I wish I would have. Well, just thinking of you a whole lot today.

I miss you and love you Dad. I am sorry that you left this world so early and under such crazy circumstances.

Have a good day!

Happy Birthday and Easter too!

2009-04-20T19:22:00.000-07:00

Long time since an update...
We had a nice Easter.
Easter was a beautiful time filled with lots of fun family activities. Easter egg hunts with the boys, lots of good food, family gathering, and of course lots of candy.

We went to lunch with Grandpa and Pat during Easter week. As always, we had a nice visit and good food.

And...we went to go see you at the cemetery. Not much has changed there-snow has melted, and that's about it. Our hopes are to get you a headstone soon. Although peaceful and quiet at the cemetery...still not a comfortable place to be. I can't help but to remember the moment that I saw you take your last breath. I said some prayers, and quietly shed some tears. I take comfort in knowing that Grandma is there with you. Going to the cemetery kind of reminds me of this.

Happy birthday Dad-hope you had a great birthday! On April 11th...I thought of you-All day long! We had a special day that day. Your birthday was the day we brought our puppy home. Frank, loves his new home! We are so gladl that we got him on your birthday too! I will always remember that day for two reasons now!

You are probably laughing about it...the idea of us having a pet. Remember Penny and Geezer??? I know-a lot of work. This will be too. What a scene though. Lots of laughs!

Miss you Dad, and love you too!

Put me in coach, I am ready to play!

2009-03-28T18:42:00.000-07:00

I could have written about this in my other post, but I thought this news was so exciting that it deserved its own post!

I have been pushing so hard for Alex to get on a baseball team. The problem is...Ripon does not have a league for 4/5 year olds! He has to wait one more summer until he is old enough. 6! Can you believe that???
Well, I couldn't wait another summer----so, I found a league in Oshkosh he can join! I even got a friend of mine...a lady from church who's husband owns a business to sponsor the team. They have a daughter the same age as Alex and she's going to be on the team too.

I actually got enough people so we can have basically and all Ripon team. Lots of Alex's classmates were eager to join this great co-ed team!

I am so pumped for him!

Plus, a huge bonus...Steve is going to be the coach! I know he's not the most outgoing person, but with a tad bit of convincing, he agreed! I really didn't have to push-I told him a bunch of parents usually help out at these things anyway!

I know you will be looking down on us with a smile! Thanks for helping me do this too! I know you will be proud.

I'll miss you in the stands physically, but I know you will be there!

Busy Week

2009-03-28T18:25:00.000-07:00

Hi Dad
I had an eventful week and thought of you a lot.

1. Ken's Dad passed away on Tuesday-Steve and I went to the wake on Thursday-kind of weird being the first funeral since yours...
Obviously, still sad and uncomfortable...Mom was very sad too-which made it even harder. Plus, I couldn't help to think about losing my Dad.

2. I worked a lot this week-I love teaching kids. I love being a sub-teaching without all the hassle! No lesson plans, teacher/staff drama, no contract, no crabby parents-can't beat it!

3. I went to my first wine tasting-very fun! Learned a lot about wine and had fun with lots of my Mommy friends too. I know you weren't a wine drinker....but I had to laugh about learning the techniques of tasting wine.

4. Took the boys to an open gym at the gymnastics center in Oshkosh-which they loved! I know you would have enjoyed watching the boys jump, tumble, and run around. Even Alex, with all his energy...fell asleep on the way back to Ripon-I had to wake him in the school parking lot for preschool in the afternoon!

5. And last, but not least-all the March Madness...kind of following this, but not really...mainly just thinking of you.

6. One of your old players from the Chaps-found me on faceboook! We chatted about you, and that was nice. I love when people tell me such great stories, and the impact you had on their lives!

Busy week, with lots to do, but still everyday, I think of you!

Thinking of you a lot today...

2009-03-21T20:03:00.000-07:00

Dad,
Thinking of you a lot today...lots of March Madness hoops going on....wonder who you would have picked for your pool?????
I bowled really great tonight too....20 pins over my average! Thanks for the help :)

We did lots of yardwork today-getting the place ready for spring...the kids played outside all afternoon.

Guess what??? Collin's been hitting the ball a lot-of a tee of course...and He's another lefty! At least that is what we think!
Alex is doing great with hitting when we pitch to him! The neighbors really get a kick out of watching him hit. It's just sad that he can't play until he turns 6! One more summer! BLAH!
Oh well, soccer will do for now...even though-you aren't to fond of that sport!

Steve lost 2o pounds-you would be proud of him-He's mainly just cutting calories!

One more thing...Sam's not feeling well...and probably should see a doctor, but you know Sam....he has your stubbornness...so-help him make the right decision here, Please!

We all love and miss you more than you will ever know!

Update on my family

2009-03-12T18:15:00.000-07:00

Hi
It's been a little while since I have blogged, but I have been busy around here....
Here's our update.
Much to my Dad's dismay-he always thought animals were too much work...and he's right, I know, but...

My oldest just had kindergarten screening last week!

We have decided to get a puppy-so we are spending lots of time planning, and prepping. He hasn't arrived yet, but will be here around Easter. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh-the boys don't know about it yet.

We have been busily potty training our almost 2 year old (his birthday is 3.13.)-Fun times! I feel quite accomplished as a Mom when I do these things.

I have been working a lot-I love substitute teaching...it's almost like being a teacher without the hassle.
I have been having lots of playdates at my house with "friends" and other Mom's-it's entertaining for the boys-We are seriously getting "cabin fever" around here. In fact, Alex has been practing his baseball in the snow-and on Saturdays he heads to an indoor batting cage with Steve. I know my Dad would really appreciate this!
I have also been planning my 2 year old's birthday party-I can't help but to think about what my Dad would say this year as we are having his party at a local hotel with a pool! I love to entertain, just not to cook, and entertain in my humble home-a not so large ranch style house!

That's about it for us...busy month.

On a side note-those of you who don't have facebook-I would encourge you to join....

On of my Dad's classmates-recently connected with me on there, and it has been nice communicating via email-sharing memories and thoughts-and this week I received a very touching CD from on of his classmates.

I cannot thank him enough for this gift of songs his choir sang;very spiritual and beautiful..something, I know my Dad would appreciate as much as I did!

Thanks so much!

6 MONTHS AGO

2009-02-23T20:10:00.000-08:00

It's been 6 months ago today my Dad passed away.
I saw him take his last breath, but sometimes it still doesn't seem real.

Each day I remember him, think of him, and cry for him.

Thank you Mom and Dad

2009-02-21T19:52:00.000-08:00

Just back from my bowling league with Steve. Dad never thought bowling was considered a "real" sport.
I am sure he would get a kick out of knowing that I was in a league. I started the league after he passed away.

Just thinking of him again tonight.
Wondering why he had to leave so soon? Wishing I could call him and chat.

It's hard to believe it will soon be 6 months since he has passed away.

Sometimes, it seems like time has flown by. Other times, not so much! Good days and bad days, that's the way the ball rolls!

Those of you who read this...do me a favor...
Kiss you dad and mom if you can. Tell them how much they mean to you. I always thought they knew how I felt. Don't just "think" that...tell them.

My parents brought me into the world...
They raised me and made me who I am today...
They comforted me in my times of need...
They helped me with whatever I needed help with...
AND sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much more...
My computer is running low on batteries, otherwise I could go on and on...

Thank you for all of those things and more.

GRRRRRRRRRR! I wish I could call you!

2009-02-02T11:33:00.000-08:00

I am having a bad day today.
Dad, I would love to call you up and tell you all about it, but I can't. I know you would love to hear my complaining, and would probably tell me...
It's all what you make of it. I am probably making a mountain out of a mole hill, but in any case, I would love to call you.
Mom's at work-so I can't really call here there...but I still might.

Dad, I miss you.

Mom, I miss you too-can't wait for your visit this weekend. It has been way too long!

DAILY THOUGHTS

2009-01-23T13:53:00.000-08:00

So here I am doing my afternoon routine of housework, entertaining my kids, laundry, etc...and again I find myself distracted by the thought of my Dad.

I often wonder...
What are you up to?
What's it like in Heaven?
What are you wearing?
Why did you have to die?
Are you sad?
Are you mad?
These thoughts cross my mind a lot. Today, is one of those days. I had a fun day with my kids at the Fond du Lac Children's Museum. We had lunch at McDonald's with the playland, and I thought of you when I saw a man there reading newspapers, and drinking a Coke with the lid off and no straw, just like you used to do.

Last night, I watched two of my favorite show-Grey's and Private Practice. Both had dying in the plotline. One had organ donation, and life support. The other just had a younger man die. I always think of you when I see this. Steve always asks why I watch these shows if I get so emotional when I watch them. I don't know why...I always do.

Seeing death, even if it's fake and on tv, still reminds me of seeing you. Laying there, almost lifeless, listening to your breathing, the beeping of the machines, watching you age so quickly.

I miss you Dad.

LOVE YOU!

Ed Sheahen Basketball Tourney

2009-01-14T12:04:00.000-08:00

I am pleased to announce that we are working on setting up a basketball tournament at Columbus High School in honor of my

Save Now

Dad.
I would like to set up a scholarship fund for a Columbus High School student(s).
I have been in contact with Joe Konieczny who is the athletic director at Columbus High School. (He is also another one of my Dad's former basketball players.)
Keep checking back for updates.

16 years ago today!

2009-01-03T21:05:00.000-08:00

16 years ago today I was diagnosed with cancer. I remember that day like it was yesterday...waiting in the clinic waiting room for my parents to come out of a conference room. The doctor told them the news and I remember both my parents being in tears.

I was 12 years old, and this was not what I had planned.

Is cancer ever what anyone has planned????

Long story short-those 9 months were not fun. Missing school, basketball practice, and being in the hospital way too much. I remember my Mom being there with me all the time. She stayed with me and even slept in my hospital bed.

Dad, on the other hand, not so much. He hated the whole ordeal. Hated hospitals, me being sick, and all that went along with it.

I would have one week of chemo-and 3 weeks off. Dad would visit me in the hospital, but it was always short and sweet. I knew he wasn't comfortable. He had to hold the fort at home with Katy and Sam.

I remember lots of laughs, tears, and pain. In the end-losing my hair, 1 ovary, lots of strength, and enduring lots of pain...it was a small price to pay for my life.

Dad and Mom encouraged me to have strength and faith, this is what got me through that time, and today, I am reminded by that.

New slideshow of Dad and Grandpa Sheahen

2009-01-02T19:02:00.001-08:00

I added another slide show of some pics. I am doing my best to find more pics.
GEEZ, I wish I would have taken more.
Lesson learned...

Just having an I miss Dad night.

Ken Sternweis, thank you for the email.

Mike Varney.-Thank you for the Christmas card.
These kinds of things mean a lot.

Blog followers???

2009-01-01T18:37:00.000-08:00

One more thing...
I did ad a blog follower list.

I wanted to see who still reads this site-of course you are not obligated to be a blog follower, but it's kinda nice though to see that people still read this!

Just click on follow this blog on the side.

Thanks!

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T18:15:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!
Oh my, can you believe it's 2009??

What a year it has been. I am looking forward to this year.
Why???
Birthday's to celebrate-Steve and I will be 29, or kids will turn 5 and 2.
My 10 year class reunion is coming in November-which I am planning.
A family vacation is in order-yet to be determined.
Just a whole new year full of adventures.

Of course, more time will pass without Dad. I'll still miss him everyday, and some days more than others.
I often wonder what time will be like without him. Obviously, I am very thankful for the time we had when he was here, but I still wonder what the future will be like.

I still will look for him at my kids birthday parties-eating tons of my mother in law's bbq's-and drinking diet dews.

I will listen for his laughter as he watches my boys play sports.

I will think of him everytime I see my brother-driving around his car.

These things will probably never change. That's ok. I will keep these memories fond and near to my heart.

Even though, I might not update this thing as often as I would like, know that I still feel the same.

I miss my Dad terribly, more than I even anticipated, as crazy as that sounds.

But, this is a new year...a new start.

Time to continue to live life and enjoy life.

Of course, the new years res. are in order.

Take better care of myself
Workout more-and stop wasting that gym membership-I signed that lovely 2 year contact too.
Be a better catholic
Be the best, wife, and mom that I can be.

Best of luck to all you with your new year's resolutions-although, I think they are overrated, and not that necessary because we all do whatever we want anyway.

Hey, the look good on paper though.

Well, off to enjoy the rest of my long weekend!

Just a quick note-
Dad,
I miss you and love you!
Hope all is well. Please continue to be with me and watch over my family. Happy New Year to you!

Marshfield Visit

2008-12-28T20:24:00.000-08:00

This weekend I had the opportunity to travel back to Marshfield to visit with friends and family.
I had a wonderful time.
I had lunch with Grandpa Sheahen and Pat. I even gave him a copy of this blog...from start to now.
I had it made into a hardcover book. I know he's never going to be able to go online and read this, so I thought I would bring it to him.
I don't think he made it though the first page before he started to cry...which was totally not my intention.
I felt bad, but he said he was happy I gave him such a beautiful gift. The bath robe and pj's though-he wasn't too sure about. :)
Also...

I went out with some friends from High School and ran into a lot of people. Of course, I had the occasional talks about my Dad.
Sad at times, but still nice to reminisce. Yes, I controlled my emotions and only got teary-eyed once throughout the course of the night.
I do appreciate all the hugs, thoughts, and kind words. Please continue to keep my Dad's memory alive.
At my Mom's we all had a nice cry at different times of the day on Christmas Day. I even had a nice chat with Carol (Dad's girlfriend) on the phone.

Of course, a visit to the cemetery was in order. Although, I was dreading this...I need to do it. Husband and kids in the car, we started up the path. Keep in mind, my baby was sleeping, and our oldest did not know what a cemetery is. We decided not to explain that yet. He's had to endure enough with this whole odeal. So, he thought we were looking at Christmas lights and Christmas flowers! (In the middle of the afternoon ;) Turning into the cemetery, I remembered when my Dad got litteraly stuck there on evening after visiting my Grandma Sheahen's gravesite. No Joke! I thought the same thing was going to happen to us! Here we are in our minivan slowly driving to his gravesite...hoping not to slide on the ice, or get stuck on the non plowed path-gotta love that!

Well, we made it! Only to discover that my Dad's spot was literally buried in the snow! And...Guess who forgot the shovel! So, I said a few prayers, wiped my tears, and called my brother and told him to get up here with a shovel. Dad would never have it that way!

That's about it.

Thanks again for the continued family and friends support.

Ken, (from my Dad's class) if you are reading this, thank you for the Christmas Card-it made my day!

Happy New Year! Hope all have safe travels.

1st Christmas without Dad

2008-12-24T22:16:00.000-08:00

So here it is....Christmas Day. A day of celebration, love, laughter, and wonderful time with family. I miss Dad more than ever at this time. I figured this Christmas would be hard, but I did not anticipate another loss that is making this time more difficult.

I had quite the busy week, and just recently suffered another loss of a dear friend and co-worker. I attending her Memorial this week.

Sad, and hard...opening up the wounds and pain from the loss of my Dad. My friend too, was young, and had been fighting cancer on and off for 7 years.

She knew she was dying, and even planned her own Memorial.

Anyhow, this started the week off with sadness and more thoughts of the dreadful day that Dad passed away.

I can still picture him taking his last breath. So bitter sweet for me. No more suffering and pain for Dad...Free from all this hospital chaos.
But a new chapter in my life has begun, and I am still adjusting to that simple fact that I don't have my Dad physically anymore.

Christmas time is hard...being around family...seeing people with their Dad's in church...etc.
All things that make me think of my Dad.

I even saw a younger guy at Burger King last night, that resembled my Dad in his high school days. I am not kidding. I did laugh to myself, and couldn't help but to think of him.

You see, that's what happens. Little things like that make me think of him.

I prayed tonight in chuch, for my Dad. I prayed for his continued watch and guidance over my family and I.

I know he was with me and I even teared up during some of the lovely Christmas tunes.

Well, off to help "Santa". We are last minute folks around here.

Merry Christmas!

Refreshed from a Sheahen fam visit!

2008-12-04T17:16:00.000-08:00

I am excited to report that I had a very nice visit this past weekend with my Aunt Dar (my Dad's sister) Uncle Harold (my Dad's Uncle), Grandpa Sheahen, and Pat.
We had a nice dinner and went bowling with the kids. It was nice to do something will everyone. This was the first time we got together with some of Dad's side of the family since the funeral.

I had lots of good laughs, and it a happy day to be around some of my Dad's family. I felt close, warm, and comforted, just by the day.

It's amazing sometimes, how little things go a long way!

I felt guilty not being able to visit longer. After an hour at the restaurant, my kids were turning into wild animals, and it wasn't good. Hence, the visit to the bowling alley...always a good source of entertainment.

Dad, however was not a fan of bowling, but would have loved to watch the kids bowl. He said that bowling wasn't a "real" sport. I remember the first time I told him my husband was in a bowling league. He laughed so hard. He would probably laugh even harder now, if he knew I was in one too!

Dad,
I still miss you and think of your everyday.
I wonder what you are up to?
I have lots of questions for you, and look forward to asking them to you someday. Please continue to guide me and my family, and keep looking out for us. I know you are around. We love and miss you so much!

Another reminder

2008-11-25T11:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, while subbing in phy ed I went over to the bin of basketballs. I started handing out a basketball to each child, not thinking about much of anything. Then, almost out of nowhere, I came across a refereeing shirt scrunched up at the bottom of the bin.
Ahhhhhhhh....Dad, another reminder.

It's little things like this that are starting to make me smile.

Small reminders of my Dad, that seem to pop up when I am least expecting them. Things like this can totally turn my day around, and/or put a smile on my face.

Now that the holidays are so close, I find myself missing my Dad and thinking about what the holidays will be like without him.

I've always missed him since he has passed, so I still have those feelings, but during the holidays it's a deeper kind of miss.

Dad invented our annual gift exchange-too save some $ of course, but at any rate, this was always a blast.

Katy, Sam, and I all put our names in a hat, along with Dad and Carol, and we exchanged names. We always said we'd never tell who we had, but by the end of that gathering, everyone knew who they had! :)

MY faith has been renewed!

2008-11-02T19:12:00.000-08:00

I am happy to note not only am I refreshed from our mini family vacation...I am spiritually feeling much better.

We took our kids to lots of Halloween Happenings-I started to get sad because of course I missed Dad again.

We took our kids to a hotel in Madison with a pool and waterslide, and had a relaxing and fun filled couple of days...I also spent some time mini golfing at the best mini golf course ever. The VITENSE Golfland-http://www.vitense.com/miniature.asp

My Dad would have loved this place. It was unbelievable! Indoor and outdoor mini golf, driving range, golf course,batting cages, a climbing wall, and more! What a scene!

My kids loved it. We took so many pictures.

I will ad some tomorrow probably. Just a riot. I wonder if my Dad has ever been there?

We did the indoor and outdoor mini golf course...we chose the Wisconsin Course-outdoor. It was great! The kids loved it so much-we went back a second day!

But, more importantly

First off, I received an email from on of my Dad's classmates Ken last week. This made my day, or week for that matter.

Ken reminded me that "Faith" is something that we have to believe in...if we were given answers to the unknown...then there really wouldn't be "Faith" anymore. He couldn't have been more right.

Thank you for taking the time out of your day, to take the time to read this blog, and to send me an email. That simple gesture meant a lot, and made me think a bit differently.

I went to Mass today-in fact, this was the first time I have been back-since my Dad has passed away. I know, I am not proud to admit this, it has been the longest I have gone without going to Mass, but like I said before-I was just having lots of doubts, sadness, and questions, and wasn't ready to accept what had occurred.

Although I am not sure I will ever be 100% okay with the fact that my Dad has passed away.

Today at Mass-I listened closely. It was almost like our Priest was speaking right too me. This Mass was just what I needed. I am not trying to sound all "Holy Roller" or anything, but I left having a great sense of Peace.

Here's what he said during the Homily...

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten
will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations
and jealousies will finally disappear.
So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won't matter where you came from
or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.
It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter?
How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought
but what you built, not what you got but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success
but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned
but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity,
compassion, courage, or sacrifice
that enriched, empowered or encouraged others
to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence
but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew,
but how many will feel a lasting loss when your gone.

What will matter is not your memories
but the memories that live in those who loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered,
by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.
It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

Death is not the end, but a beginning of a new life. We should have Peace in knowing that some day, we will be with our loved ones again, and more importantly, we will be one with God. I was always taught this, but it just made sense when I heard it in Mass.

Sometimes, it takes a ton of bricks, I know :) but in any case, I am thankful I went to Mass today. I am glad I heard what I needed to hear. I even held back some tears as I listened.

I am not "healed" or "over it" by any means, but I am feeling more at peace now.

One other exciting note from the weekend...
Sam (my brother) has decided to go back to school! He started tech school but decided it wasn't for him, and went to the work force part way through-when after high school.

Dad, I know you had a hand in this somehow! Thanks! I know you are probably laughing and crying tears of joy.

Yea for a happy weekend!

Questions

2008-10-26T18:27:00.000-07:00

Everyday I miss my Dad, but some days are worse than others.

Today, I miss him a lot!

It was Trick or Treating day here-and I would love to have had him here to come trick or treating with us. That's something he never got to do.

I remember as a kid, he took us...walked along on the sidewalk-just hanging out...laughing at all the crazy costumes.

My kids were cute today. Collin was Thomas the Train, and Alex, was Spiderman. It was unbearably cold and miserable, but the kids still managed to have a great time.

Dad would would have laughed because we were having all this fun in the cold, rain.

I think about him everyday...wondering what he's up to. I still wonder if he is okay. My faith has really been tested throughout this whole ordeal. I am ashamed to admit, that I am slowly drifting away...asking questions...wanting signs. I just need to know Dad's okay.

I know this is something that Dad would not appreciate hearing. He raised us to be good Catholics. I have good morals, values, etc...but I just can't explain why I am questioning different parts of my faith.

I need some sort of concrete evidence knowing that Dad's okay. I wish he could just write me a note, or leave me a message somehow.

I know I really don't need this, but this is how I am feeling. My heart still aches for my Dad and my mind still has a lot of questions.

This is probably all part of the grieving process...or at least I hope this is.
I am not asking to feel this way-especially about my faith.

One other thing-I am angry that people take their parents for granted. It angers me that my Dad is not hear anymore, and when I hear people complain about their Mom or Dad...I just tell them-you don't know how lucky you are to have that person still here.

Life does seem a little unfair, even though-I know...that's how the ball rolls...when it's your time...it's your time.

Time might help me understand and heal-I know, but his whole deal is too fresh, and too real.

In any case, that's where I am at now. A reassuring note from the other day-my 4 year old said, "Mom, did you see Grandpa Sheahen?? He was hanging upside down in the clouds??" I almost fell over-because who knows...maybe he really saw him.

I responded calmly, "You are right, Alex, Grandpa is in Heaven now." And-I continued on with my day-wiping a tear from my eye.

Wishing you were here!

2008-10-11T20:18:00.000-07:00

Ok so the CUBS are out of the Playoffs, the economy sucks, and it's almost time to vote again. All things I would love to hear my Dad talk about right now. I have also started painting my basement-Dad, I would love to have you come over and watch :)

UGH! Still sad, and angry, that you are gone. I know it has not been that long...

I am having plenty of reminders though...

The other day, I saw his car at my Mom's, and I could still picture him leaning against it having a moe.

I see your clothing and belongings everyday-I am still not quite ready to get rid of things. Sometimes my kids wear your hats or sunglasses around the house. Alex loves digging though Grandpa's treasures.

I ran in to Carol (his girlfriend) at Kohls the other day-during on of the Cubs playoff games-and she had a Cubs shirt on. We hugged and talked for a bit. Then, I went to the van and cried.

I have been doing better, and have not been so emotional, but some things just have that effect. Sometimes, just a simple hymn in church brings me to tears.

One more thing... Katy got pulled over for speeding when we left Mom's today-and yes, she didn't get a ticket. I know, my Dad would just laugh.

1 month ago

2008-09-23T20:10:00.000-07:00

What a month!
After the funeral...I told myself...life will go on without Dad, but it will never be the same. I can go on, and will go on, and grow from this experience.
It's been difficult at times...
Hearing my oldest son tell people that his Grandpa has died. Cleaning out Dad's room-the second hardest thing I have ever done, since saying goodbye to my Dad.
Did you know...my Dad had over 20 Cubs shirts??? Tons of golf polos..some with little to no wear! I was impressed to even find some dress shirts and ties! We had some nice laughs going though the items.
Going through everything that he saved was a task-in fact...I have 3 bins in my garage that I still need to look through. Believe it or not, the hardest thing for me to see was his calendar. Although it did not always appear that way-he was organized.
It was hard for me to look through his calendar at all the dates he has already had plans on...games to referee, umpire, watch, meetings to attend, etc. I realized that he was not done with life in so many ways...he has so many plans! He had these plans: work, games, etc...but even more importantly, he looked forward to continually being there for us-his family, and those he cared about the most.
I has been a month...
I know now that...
The thank you notes are written, no more sympathy cards in the mail, no more phone calls showing concern, not too many people still ask about Dad...people are moving on. Most people probably moved on-right after the funeral. I am not saying this in a bad or cold way. I am just trying to state a fact. Everyone grieves in their own way. I am sure people are still thinking of him, and us.
We just have the daily reminder-I see his picture in my living room, the cross from his casket, hanging in my house...etc.
Alex, my 4 year old has been wearing one of his Chicago Bears baseball hats...and a pair of his sunglasses! Everywhere he goes-someone comments on that darn hat! "OH little by, how can you be a Bears Fan?" I just have to laugh...he has no clue...and just responds...it was my Grandpa Sheahen's hat...he's in Heaven and he gave it to me.

The truth is I am still sad-and will miss my Dad forever!

We made a special trip to Wrigley field last Sunday, just for our Dad.

The Cubs game some friends of mine sent us too on Sunday afternoon-provided me with a great sense of closure and peace! This gift of generosity was just what we needed! We are so greatful we had this opportunity. We sat together as sibblings and laughed, talked, and joke, in honor of our father. I will be forever thankful for this memorable day!
I saw so many things that reminded me of Dad-even the Albert Pujols joke my husband told my Dad while he was in the hospital that made him laugh so hard ;) Even dealing with all this, Dad laughed at this joke.
Riding the train from Skokie...lots of time to think about Dad and his love for the Cubs. Even my phone call to Sam-and he informed me he was having lunch at the Oasis-which Dad would say was way to expensive to eat at!

My siblings and I had a great time at the game-we were able to bring our spouses too-and Sam brought a buddy with him, which was very nice too.

One month ago today, Dad passed away. It's hard to believe it's been a month. They say time heals...I believe that.

Dad,
I am sorry about this situation, circumstance, and outcome. I never in a million years thought I would be writing this blog about you. You meant more than words can say to me, and a lot of people.

Your kids miss you. Your grandkids miss you. Carol and Mom misses you! YOUR ENTIRE family misses you.

Rest assured that you will never be forgotten. Your words and wisdom will be with us always!
WE LOVE YOU!

Funeral and Festivities!

2008-08-28T18:23:00.000-07:00

First off, a big huge thank you goes out to ALL who were a part of celebrating my Dad's life yesterday!

The touching day, will forever be remembered. Lots of hugs shared, and tears off sadness, but also a time of remembering my Dad's, "famous-ness"

Hansen Funeral Home went above and beyond to make sure everything was perfect! We could not have done this better ourselves!

The flowers were beautiful! Lots of Cubs themed stuff-beautiful flowering plants, green plants, and lush flowers! We loved all of them!

The dvd photo presentation was excellent. We had lots of Dad's sports photos and high school mementos (Thanks to some of this classmates and friends, and Carol for bringing his yearbooks)-Which by the way provided me with entertainment to read on the long drive home.

The "Viewing"-Lots of people came-Family members, friends, classmates, teachers, some of my Dad's players he once coached, people from my graduation class, family friends, old neighbors, relatives, co-workers, even the lady who worked at/owned the restaurant my Dad went to almost every morning for breakfast in Waupaca! I am sure I am missing some categories here, but I think you get the idea! It was wonderful seeing eveyone, meeting "new" people, and hearing how they were connected to my Dad.

To give you a sense of the crowd, the guest book only had one page left in it.

Thanks to all for the comforting embraces, and words of kindness. We appreciate the support.

His prayer card had the Serenity Prayer-Of course with the Cubs theme and his picture.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

The Eulogy was perfect! Mike Varney, you did a wonderful job. The memories you shared will never be forgotten-lots of laughs and tears! I even learned some things about my Dad too!

The Mass was very spiritual and blessed. Father Don did an excellent job! The hymns were perfect too. I'm sure Dad loved every moment.

After the Mass, we proceeded to the baseball field-where we started the afternoon celebration! The weather was beautiful! We started the festivities with singing, "Take Me Out to the Ballgame"-with my Dad's favorite, Hary Caray, singing it! We all sang along.

We feasted on hotdogs, chips, and ballpark treats, chatted with friends and family, and shared more memories of Dad. People could come up and share a story about Dad. This was such a great memorial tribute!

Mike Varney, even played a variety of Cubs highlights, over the loudspeaker as a tribute! This was truly a memorable day.

Some people even wore their Cubs, or baseball apparel! We loved the Titleists baseball hats too!

Thanks again to everyone for everything, the support, the flowers, cards, memorial funds, phone calls, delicious food at the ballpark, and the all around memorable day.

Speaking of food- a Huge thank you goes out to the Marshfield Chaparrals (and whoever else was involved in this) for provided us with EVERYTHING at the ballpark! We truly appreciate your AWESOME DONATION! This is just what Dad would Dad would have wanted!

I am sure I missed something, but will try and think of it all when sending thank you notes.

Thanks again! Your love and support mean more than we can say!

See you at the Ballpark!

2008-08-25T13:24:00.001-07:00

I am delighted to share this news with you!

We would like you to come and celebrate my Dad's life at the Ballpark! He would have it no other way!

Everyone is invited to attend our Memorial Celebration at Jack Hackman Field on South Oak Avenue. (Where the Chaps and Legion Play)

Please join us for some socializing and good old baseball game treats-hotdogs, chips, popcorn, soda...after the mass.

Special Thanks to the CHAPS, City of Marshfield/Park and Rec, Hansen Funeral Home-and all other involved in pulling this off!

Dad, would have loved this, and will be honored!

Please, spread the good word!

Dad's Funeral Arrangements

2008-08-24T15:37:00.001-07:00

We have decided on Dad's funeral arrangements.

The Visitation will take place on Wednesday August 27th from Noon until 2:00 PM-at Our Lady of Peace Catholic Church in Marshfield, WI.

Mass will be at 2:00 PM-Immediately after the visitation, also at Our Lady of Peach Church in Marshfield.

At this point-we are finalizing the social gathering afterwords.

More info to come-an Full Obituary will be in Tuesday's Edition of The Marshfield News Herald.

Hansen Funeral home is assisting us with arrangements.

The address for Our Lady of Peace (OLP) Church is 1300 W. 5th Street, Marshfield WI 54449

Thank you to all of you for you love and support. We appreciate your thoughtful greetings, messages, etc.

Dad is at peace now

2008-08-23T18:16:00.000-07:00

Tonight, at 6:00pm-I watched my Dad take his last breath. I am sad, and relieved at the same time.

As hard as it was to see him go, I know now, that he's looking down at us with a big Sheahen Smile!

We are in the process of determining funeral arrangements at this time.

I will post more-when I know. Thanks so much!

Say a prayer for us tonight. I'll write more later.

As a continuation from before....

It has only been a little over 5 hours since my Dad has passed away, and I miss him already! I am still trying to take this whole thing in-grieve-and get ready for the rest of this process.

Right now, Dad is looking down on us with saying his famous words, "Nobody Panic"-Sam reminded this of me on the phone. I am sure he has already hugged his Mom and is having words with Coach Kroll.

Heck, he is probably having a cigarette! If there is one thing I know about my Dad, it's that he loved us very much, and never would want us to go though all this pain. The good memories will provide me with comfort, and I am so thankful I had words with him in recent days before all this happened. He knows how much his family and friends loved and cared for him.

His legacy will live on forever.

My Dad

2008-08-23T10:12:00.000-07:00

Dad,
Thank you for hanging on this long. Nurse Ardis called me that you're not doing so hot today-thanks for deciding to let go on your own. As much as this saddens me, I am happy at the same time.

Yes, I regret to inform you all-my Dad is not doing too hot. The nurses and doctors think the end is near.

I am on my way to the hospital right now.

Everyone, please continue praying-as we still need it. Family is traveling to the hospital as we speak.

Will update later.

And Please...MAY GOD SPEED!

Feeling Sad, but Strong-trying to be okay

2008-08-23T07:26:00.000-07:00

Hello

This morning Dad has spiked another fever-Carol called me with an update. We will all be up there with Dad again today.

Thanks again for your continued thoughts and words of support.

We have not all had the time or the energy to respond to everything. Your thoughts and words are truly appreciated.

Lots of people are asking about Dad, and rightfully so. It is hard for us to keep our emotions intact in many cases. We appreciate your understanding. I can't speak for my entire family on how each of us are individually feeling...but what I can tell you is we are all sad. We are are dealing with this as best as we can, given the shocking circumstances.

My Aunt Dar recently told me...Your Dad is always teaching you lessons, and this is another lesson he is teaching me...to be strong, and that I CAN make it though all of this. She's right.

It's been hard to go one with daily activities. Food does not taste the same, going places has been hard, listening to music has been hard, everything reminds me of, Dad.

I would give anything for an opportunity to have him talk to me for just 5 more minutes. I know, even if they say he can't at times-I know he can hear me. I am thanking him and telling him as much as I can during the time I have. Even Sam, just wants 5 more minutes that Dad is okay, and he could hang out with him.

Earlier this week-I made the mistake of sending my sister and brother a voice mail that I received from Dad before he came to the hospital. I prefaced it with, "just thought you want to hear Dad's voice." Sam, didn't listen to that part-and thought my Dad was now okay-I called my Mom and she called Sam, and told him it was an old voicemail. I was devastated. I never meant to hurt Sam, just wanted him to hear Dad's voice.

I seriously listen to my voicemail at least once a day-because I miss my Dad too.

Everyone reading this please do me a huge favor-and if you can-give your Dad an extra hug and tell him how much you appreciate all that he has done.

Thanks again for listening-I will write more after I visit with Dad today.

Met with Doctors

2008-08-22T16:54:00.000-07:00

We met with doctors today-and they gave us the whole ordeal.

Dad is very, very sick. Right now his heart is only functioning at 10%. He is now septic, and is fighting a lot of infection.

Our family asks that you would keep us in your thoughts. Again, at this time, please no visitors.

We are praying for an answer.

Dad's not getting better

2008-08-22T09:25:00.000-07:00

I am sad and frusterated. We tried so hard to get my Dad better. We did all the right things, but
Dad's condition is not improving.
We are meeting with the doctor today-the entire family to make some decisions.

Please keep us in your thoughts.

Early Friday AM update

2008-08-22T05:29:00.001-07:00

Goodmorning,
Well, Dad made it though the night, which as he would say was "key" at this point. The nurse last night explained that he has bacterial pnemonia which on the plus side-is easier to treat than viral pnemonia. He also has bacterial e-coli in his lungs, and is being treated with a very aggressive antibiotic.

When everyone left last night (Sam, Katy, Mom, and Carol)-the very blunt nurse said the making it though the night thing (last night) would be critical.

All of these "other things" e-coli, pnemonia, etc...are making this even harder for Dad to fight, but he's fighting. We all know that.

We want to be with Dad all the time-Everyday, and it's been hard. Carol-Thanks for being there for Dad too. Thanks for leaving work early, and being there for long hours. Thanks for taking time off...and being there for support.
Katy and I have families of our own-
Katy has Brody-5 months and Natahsha-6 years. I have Collin-17 months, and Alexander-4 years. We both have loving and caring husbands-who are hanging in there too.
Mom and Carol-both work fulltime.

If you ad travel time in here too-the whole thing is exhausting. Oh, how I crave normalcy. I'm not always a patient person-that's the Sheahen in me-but in this case I will be.

Katy and Carol are going to be up by him today. Katy called me early this AM-sad and tired-we all are. She stayed in a hotel in Appleton with her fam. She has to drive an hour and 1/2 each way to see Dad-and she's nursing her 5 month old, and usually works nights at Riverview Hospital in Wisconsin Rapids.

Mom and Sam, thanks for making the long trek last night too--from Rapids and Marshfield. Dad appreciates the support. Mom, thanks for giving Sam a ride-thanks for answering your phone all day at work too-and holding it together at work through all of this.

Everyday, is a new day, and we all face new challenges. We continue to believe that Dad is strong and can do this because we know he would have it no other way.

Thanks for listening and reading-will update more later-with more news.

Thursday PM Update

2008-08-21T20:10:00.001-07:00

I just got back home from a very long, exhausting day in the ICU with Dad. Unfortunately, Dad has pnemonia, and is fighting some sort of bacterial infection. They are aggressively treating him with antibiotics in his central line.(definition thanks to the internet)-Central line: A catheter (tube) that is passed through a vein to end up in the thoracic (chest) portion of the vena cava (the large vein returning blood to the heart) or in the right atrium of the heart.
Central lines have a number of different uses. A central line allows concentrated solutions to be infused with less risk of complications. It permits monitoring of special blood pressures including the central venous pressure, the pulmonary artery pressure, and the pulmonary capillary wedge pressures. The central line can be used for the estimation of cardiac output and vascular resistance. The near end of the catheter may also be connected to a chamber for injections given over periods of months. A central line saves having to have frequent small injections or "drips" placed in the arms. Thankfully, this is now in, and will hopefully help out.

Dad is fighting so hard, and is hanging on. I held his hand, and rubbed his forehead most of the day-trying to reassure him that he was going to be okay soon. Do you know how hard this is, when sometimes, even I don't believe he's going to be okay! I do have those not so good thoughts from time to time, and and trying so hard to think positive! I have faith, and I know my Dad. He isn't ready to go yet. He made this quite clear at the beginning of this whole ordeal.

We had the priest come in too. My Dad recived the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick-it was very touching and peaceful. Dad became a little uneasy when the anointing started because I think it scared him, and he thought, okay-this has to be it...there's a priest in here, but I reassured him and told him we just called for some "back up" because right now we need all the help we can get!

As I mentioned above...I spent the majority of the day with Dad, except when they had to do some things to him that I could not be in the room for. During my trips to the ICU waiting room, I was greated with smiles and hellos, I gave the polite smile back. I tried to occupy myself by calling relatives with updates-Hi to my AZ RELATIVES! Reading the blog! I attempting reading magzines, but everything reminds me of my Dad! I can connect him to a lot of things. Plus, it didn't help that the man sitting across from me in the waiting room had a CUBS shirt on! I counted sealing tiles, evesdropped on conversations, and thought about what my Dad would say at a time like this. Let's hurry up and get this done, the Bears are on TONIGHT! Seriously, in his room before all this happened...that's what he was worried about-where can I find WGN and why the HELL aren't the Cubs on here!? Even eating my turkey sandwich for lunch. I thought of how he would laugh and say-there was no need for the tomatoes to be on that. Of course, there were 4 on my sandwich from the hospital cafe. I threw the tomatoes and lettuce out...Dad thought lettuce was only good on BLT's.

He looks ok-looking past the tubes and tape-I still see my Dad-Good color, peaceful sleeping eyes, and big belly under those covers! His rough, rugged hands a bit swollen, and warm, felt strangely good to hang on to.

The beeps and dings of the ICU room made it hard for my eyes not to wander off those numbers on the machines.

I felt cold and alone, even with Dad there. All of us...Carol, Sam, Katy, and Mom-are taking turns with Dad-sitting by his bedside.

We are all trying to comfort him-assure him everything is going to be ok. We take turns sitting by his side. Carol (his girlfriend), comforts him well into the night. We take turns calling the ICU in the early hours for updates-and passing it along the chain. I even felt angry or jealous at times, everyone around me in that waiting was getting "happy news"-except for me.

I go from being ok, to completely losing it. Dad needs us to be strong, and I try not to get upset in his room.

EXHAUSTING, but Dad would have it no other way. He always says If you belive in something-you have the power to make that happen.

Thinking of that brings me to one of his favorite movies

I'll leave you with a happy quote from the movie.

[Archie's at bat and is almost hit by the pitcher's throws, twice] Archie Graham: Hey ump, how 'bout a warning? Clean-shaven Umpire: Sure, kid. Watch out you don't get killed.

*one more thing-Fred and (Waupaca buddies) thanks for the wonderful uplifiting cards-we found at the nurses desk this AM.

Thanks for listening, EVERYBODY! Keep sending the love and prayers!

Not good news Again

2008-08-21T04:47:00.001-07:00

Early this morning the ICU nurse called me and said my Dad's heart rate wasn't right again. The rhythm was very off, and his blood pressure was rapidly dropping. They called a code and shocked him. I am heading there soon. Please pray...harder then you have before!

Night Update

2008-08-20T19:08:00.000-07:00

I took a day off from visiting Dad today-it was hard, but I had to take my youngest in to see if he had an ear infection.
News from today is from Carol (Dad's girlfriend) and the nurses that I spoke with over the phone.
Carol said they turned Dad's oxygen down to 70% and are going to see how he tolerates this, He had a small fever-that they are treating with antibiotics-because they don't want Dad to get pneumonia.
He is again opening his eyes today. Carol said when she held his hand and talked to him he would open his eyes. Remember, he is not in a coma. They are purposely sedating him right now, so that his heart can get stronger.
They have changed some of his heart medication around-and it seems that his heart is getting stronger...little by little.
There is still a long road-but inch by inch it's a cinch right? Keep up the good work, Dad!

Want to send a Note to Ed?

2008-08-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

So I might be going a little crazy on the note thing, but this whole blogging thing is therapeutic to me. I need to get some sleep so I will make this short. Do you have a message for my Dad? Maybe a note to cheer him up, or funny story you remember about him. I am going to make a book for him, and let him know he has all this support. Just add your message to the comment on this note.Thanks so much! Your kind words and thoughts will be greatly appreciated! Those of you who sent notes-could you copy and paste them on the blog? I am trying to get a book started for him. Just ad this to the comment of this blog. Thanks~

Dad, I need you-I wrote this last night

2008-08-20T14:04:00.000-07:00

I just finished listening to my old cell phone voice mails my dad left me a few days before he went to the hospital. One, a simple good morning message, and one, a good night message. I am glad I saved them so I can hear his voice.I am just not ready to let my dad go. Today, while at his bedside in ICU...I thought about a lot of things. Why he was there, what he could say if he could talk right now, how much my Dad means to me, and why it's to early for him to die.The game is still on...still time on the clock-don't throw the towel in. I need you! We need you, and you have to be strong!I wrote a list of things I needed him for...Dad I need you to be okay becauseI love you!I need you here for my kids. I want you to watch my kids grow up. You need to help my boys perfect their baseball and golf swings, and their arch for their free throw shot.I want to cook you a meal so you can tell me how bad of a cook you think I am.I need your fatherly advice.I need you to keep telling me how much of a "Sheahen" I am.I need you to call me in the middle of a Cubs game, just so you can tell me how AWESOME the CUBS are.I need you to call me...just because-for those great family updates!I need to see you get yelled at for blowing a call at a game!I need to see you coach-and lose it at the ref!I need you to have a taco eating contest with Katy.I need you to tell me that I drive to fast!I need you to have a conversation with Mom about her E-baying.I need you to laugh violently hard at the joke Steve told you 2 days ago!You need to be strong, and need to continue to fight! We are praying for you constantly. Don't quit now. You always told me never to be a quitter and fight until the end. I see now how important this advice really was.Hang in there DAD!WE LOVE YOU!

Starting from Day one-Here's the story

2008-08-20T13:36:00.000-07:00

Starting Thursday August 14th
I decided to write a note on this so I don't have to repeat myself a million times. I know some people will read this and offer support, others will read this and head to the rumor mill, and others will read this and go on with their day. I have one thing to say, to each his own, but please think about a person's feeling before you make your decision.The past few weeks my Dad has been sick. It started when he was hit in the head with a fast ball while umpiring a baseball game. Yes, it's ok to laugh here...I did ;)He was behind the plate, getting a the calls right-like he always does :) He was suddenly hit by a foul ball-right off his mask. He'll tell you it was a 100 mile an hour fast ball, and that he was "rocked". It knocked him to the ground-the pitcher was someone he had once couched, and he felt terrible. Long story short here...he of course had a concussion, and all the nasty symptoms. His girlfriend is a nurse and she told him to go to the doctor, but he felt he has been slowly getting better-keeping food down, not feeling dizzy, etc. So he never saw a doctor.Recently, my Dad has started swelling. (yes, i know he is already on the lbig man size, but not that kind of swelling) He is retaining a lot of water in his legs and ankles. Well, I am not a doctor, but this cannot be good. Believe me, I have gone through all the scenarios, none of which are good, and I don't want to hear what you think it could be.-I KNOW! My sister is almost a nurse, my Dad's girlfriend is a nurse, and I have some medical background. I know that the future doesn't look too good.Please put aside the obvious, we all know my dad is not the picture of health. Smoking 3 packs a day would cause problems in anyone. The point is-we need prayers and support.My Dad was in contact with a lot of people. Some I know, and some I don't. He was very involved in coaching, umpiring, ruffing, etc. Some of us have great memories of him-Coaching at OLP-St. Ned's-when you guys played like 100 games or something after the season ended...coaching chaparrals baseball, let's not forget when he coached my 5th grade basketball team, long, practices, ridiculous, unending line drills, chewing out locker room talks, getting tossed out of a few games, throwing clipboards, the list goes on. We can all laugh about this now, I certainly do.I have a very different set of memories of my Dad. The one's that only his family share-family trips, watching him play ball, playing sports with my Dad in the backyard, dinner at Grandma and Grandpa Sheahen's, seeing the look on my Dad's face when I graduated from college! He was so proud-and I'll never forget the day he walked me down the isle-he cried and said I looked beautiful-and some other very touching things. I remember when he held my first son in his arms, and the similar experience when he held my second son. I saw him last night. Steve and I dove over an hour to see him in Waupaca-where he is now living. He's winded, and tired, looking very warn down, his skin looked a yellow greyish, and he had swollen ankles, feet, and legs. He had to take a break walking up the stairs, and of course he blamed it on his damn sandals!My sister and I, along with my Dad's girlfriend pleaded with him to go to the hospital. I tried everything. I even played the "I don't want to have to tell my children that Grandpa's in Heaven card". He thinks he is getting better-he says he just needs to get his "mojo" back. Finally, at the end of the visit-he agreed-he said he is going to the hospital today...We'll see-I hate to say this, but I will believe it when I see it! Please keep my Dad, and our family in your thoughts and prayers.We appreciate it-you can share you "good" memories of my Dad too-if you want. Thanks for listening.Friday
Friday Aug. 15th
Here's the scoop on my Dad...I want to preface this note by saying I am sad, tired, and overall emotionally drained from the events of today. I will try to explain this the best I can.My Dad arrived at Waupaca ER this AM and was given an Electrical cardioversion. An external defibrillator is used in electrical cardioversion. After you are given a sedative, a doctor places metal paddles or patches on your chest wall. The paddles send an electric current to your heart. The electric current resets your heart rhythm and your heart usually starts in a normal rhythm. His heart was beating way too fast-like he was running a marathon way too long. Because of this-his kidneys and liver have started to not function as well as they should. He also has some fluid in his lungs-causing breathing difficulty. They also found a testicular mass-possibly cancer, but unsure of that yet. He had an An echocardiogram is a test in which ultrasound is used to examine the heart. Based on those results, the doctors will decide when to do a cardiac catheterization-to find out more info on the damaged heart.Because of the organ damage to the kidneys and liver due to the heart failure-he has a long road...we are not really sure the permanent damage yet. He was in severe heart failure when he came in today, and would have for sure been dead by Monday if he had not arrived when he did.It is still touch and go from here. I wish I had more news, but unfortunately there is not much else to tell. Tons of tests need to be done yet. He is in the intensive care unit at the Appleton Medical Center-he needs prayers.As far as visitors are concerned, we ask that people would let him rest. The ICU does not really recommend anyone other then immediate family there. Plus, the room is small and cramped with a lot of equipment. He is the center of attention there. He has the prime spot in front of the nurses station-cameras on him and all.He is definitely in severe heart failure. Right now his heart is only functioning 20-30%He is very sick, and at this point, it could go either way. It's in God's hands. Please pray.Oh and I should add-at this point-he's conscious, and crabby-getting back to his normal self ;) asking for a smoke and some food!Had to throw that in there.Really, the sedatives are starting to wear off, and he was getting antzy when we left.Early Sat. Aug. 16thjust got off the phone with my Dad's ICU nurse, Will-yes, my Dad has a man-nurse-you can bet he's lovin' that ;) On a side note-Will has been happily explaining and updating to me since the start, and I love him for that!I am happy to report that his kidney functions have bounced back and have returned back to normal. Thank God, this set of organs have started pulling their weight. Now, we are waiting to hear from the cardiologist as to when she will be doing the heart cath. Yes, he has a female doctor too. I am sure he thinks the whole doctor and nurse thing is backwards-but in his confused, crabby state, hopefully he'll put his know it all-prejudices aside ;)Some have been wondering what set this whole heart thing off to begin with...Well, we are as perplexed as you are-the doctors don't quite know the answer to that. They are thinking he might have a blockage somewhere, or maybe a simple virus set this off-a long time ago.Remember, I said my Dad has been sick for awhile, but just thought he could shake whatever this was.His stubbornness seems to be the cause of some of this damage, but hopefully, not too permanent. They said most people would not have made it this long. Another reason he was so stubborn about this whole thing is because he is scared, and doesn't want to find out "bad news"-in addition, the doctors said yesterday he was confused, and not in the right state of mind due to his condition...therefore not thinking clearly.So folks, ease up on the blame game here. All obvious aside, he's in the hospital where he should be. He made it though the night, and is progressing, but not out of the woods-by far.We still need thoughts and prayers. Thanks for the support-I'll keep you posted.
Some have been asking where to send cards-His address is(Carol is his girlfriend's name)Carol Cole and Ed Sheahen221 Countryside ct. Waupaca, WI 54981or You can send them to me and I will get them to himCarly Mancl44 Tabbert Ave.Ripon, WI 54971
Later that evening-Out of ICU
Well, we are back from Appleton. Today was a different kind of day. We decided to make it a family day-Steve and I took the boys to the Zoo, the Toys 'R Us, and Olive Garden after we visited my Dad. We needed a family day. As I mentioned in previous posts...it is hard to be a mom, daughter, and wife, at the same time sometimes-plus my kids really missed us over the past few days.My Dad's condition is improving some, but he still has a long road. When visiting with him today, he seemed more alert, and even laughed at a joke that Steve told him.My mom, sister, and brother came today too. I didn't see the look on his face because we only went in the room a person at a time, but I am sure he was overjoyed to see my brother. This was the first time that my brother has seen him since the whole ordeal...same with my Mom. I am sure he appreciated the company-although it was brief because he needs his rest.Health wise-the kidneys are now working-still a huge plus. Liver-still not so good-he is on some medicines now too-for reducing the chance of blood clots, potassium, and a few other health things.He gets to eat now-although I am not sure of his diet, he is loving that whole deal. When I was there he said he was feasting on grapes, toast, and a diet coke!He seems somewhat confused though-we hope this is temporary, but he does have some memory loss.He usually makes sense, but occasionally says something off the wall-like he is getting ready to walk to Waupaca!They are not going to do the heart cath until Monday because the heart is still not functioning like it should. I should ad too-he just got moved out of ICU-so that's a good sign. Well, that's all for now. Thanks for listening-Still need the prayers. He wanted me to say "hello" to everyone.
Sunday-Aug. 17th-great dayDad looked great today. He sat up in a chair and was talkative the entire visit. I'll start with the good news-he's off the oxygen...at least for now. His count was good. His walking is better, and he doesn't look so weak. He walked to the bathroom a few times when I was there, and was able to do it without too much help. He still complains of leg and feet pain-probably due to the swelling. Kidneys and Liver-Today these counts were not too good. We are unsure if the damage is permanent, or only temporary. If/When the heart functions properly this may or may not change.Sometime tomorrow-they are going ahead with the heart cath. Hopefully, we will be provided with more answers then. He is still showing signs of Congestive Heart Failure.Today, he was interested in finding the Cubs game on tv-and watching sports. It was nice to see that again. He did not seem nearly as confused as before, and really seemed to grasp things that were said to him.All for now-thanks for listening-still need prayers.
Monday-Aug. 18thTonight, (Monday Night) I received a phone call that I was dreading...my Dad took a turn for the worst.He went into respiratory failure. Due to the fact his heart is not working right-his lungs started to fill up with fluid. He essentially was drowning due to the fluid in his lungs, and not being able to breathe. Thankfully, his girlfriend was there to see this, and called for a nurse right away.He almost coded. A crash team was in working on him for hours. Now, he is breathing with a ventilator-the ventilator is doing all of his breathing for him.He is in very critical condition.The doctor sounded optimistic about a possible recovery, but right now, it's touch and go.He said it wasn't necessary for us to be at his bedside tonight at least. We all needed rest.Who can sleep at a time like this!He is very heavily sedated..almost in a paralysis...it was medically induced. He occasionally tries to lift his head up, and cough, but does not respond to many stimuli...but that is due to the meds. He did seem to turn his head in the direction we were talking.Mom, Sam, Katy, and I (and our husband's Jay and Steve), along with my Dad's girlfriend Carol were with my Dad tonight.This is tough. It is hard to see my Dad in this shape and condition, because prior to this his condition seemed to be improving.He is in pain, and in rough shape-he seems very irritated by the ventilator, and other tubes.He's definately giving everyone a run for their money.Please pray for him and our family.We really need it.Thanks much,I'll keep you posted!
August. 18th I Just got back from spending the day with my Dad in ICU-not to many changes to tell. He hasn't gotten better or worse-pretty much just stayed the same. They are a bit worried though because of the amt of oxygen he is requiring. The blood work showed that they had to turn the oxygen up again. They are closely monitoring that as well as the occasional rapid heart rate. He looks almost comatose. Laying almost completely still today-he has some involuntary movements. Occasionally, he seems to respond to stimuli-he did so more yesterday, but keep in mind he is heavily sedated...on purpose.He needs to rest and let his heart heal. There is a lot of damage-we are still hanging on to hope.Katy, is up there right now-so if there is more updates-I will tell you later. On a side note...I just finished listening to my old cell phone voice mails my dad left me a few days before he went to the hospital. One, a simple good morning message, and one, a good night message. I am glad I saved them so I can hear his voice.I am just not ready to let my dad go. Today, while at his bedside in ICU...I thought about a lot of things. Why he was there, what he could say if he could talk right now, how much my Dad means to me, and why it's to early for him to die.

Welcome to Ed Sheahen's Progress Blog!

2008-08-20T13:34:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends and family,

I have decided to start this blog on my Dad who is in the hospital with very critical health problems. I had something similar to this on facebook, but this way I am able to share notes of progress, news, etc. with those of you who care about my Dad.